It just gets worse

[cjsmith]

I've recently learned that it's not at all clear whether my uncle had a heart attack BEFORE or AFTER his car was hit.

My uncle and one of my cousins had planned to meet for a concert. The accident occurred in the parking lot of their destination. My cousin arrived while emergency personnel were still clearing up the accident. He watched his father being loaded into the ambulance. He says he smelled alcohol on the other driver's breath, but the policeman on the scene did not choose to (? refused to?) demand a breathalyzer test. My cousin surmises that this refusal was because the other driver happened to be a firefighter and there was some level of "professional courtesy" going on there.

At some point it doesn't matter -- I mean, nothing's going to bring my uncle back, and if this guy was drunk he's going to have to live with that knowledge for the rest of his life whether or not someone ruins his career as well -- but my cousin is understandably pissed off.

Comments

[irascignavojo.livejournal.com]

Must be awful to be unsure and ponder about that...
*hugsalot*

[tsjafo.livejournal.com]

Ouch. That will prey on his mind.

[sharya.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear this; I had missed your last post!

I'm not sure if your uncle has already passed away or not, but a friend of ours was in a serious motorcycle accident and went into a coma with no brain activity. He was like that for many months. He recently woke up from his coma and everyone is saying it's a miracle. It seems that the swelling in his brain had masked the activity that was still there (or something like that). I'm not sure how old your uncle is, or what the circumstances, but I would encourage you to remain hopeful, as it is still early after a head injury.

♥

[johnreen.livejournal.com]

If it's true, it'll catch up with the firefighter. It always does.

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

Yes, but is it going to take him killing someone else first?

Color me disgusted.

[cyan-blue.livejournal.com]

Ouch.

Is there any way your cousins can sue the fire dept for negligence in following up on their duty? Not that it would restore your uncle, but...

I'm not sure if they could prove it though, cause alcohol leaves the system quick. Grrr...

[firecat]

[hugs]

[dizzdvl.livejournal.com]

Oh no. That sucks.

*hugs*

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yes. I wish I could simply trust that no one would ever cover up something like that... but that's not human nature. Some wouldn't do it, some would.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It will. I suspect he will be angry for some time.

There is some chance that a coroner's report could give us better information... although that is a slim chance, since neither the heart attack nor the trauma caused *death* right away. Some biomedical evidence within the body will thus be obscured.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It is amazing to hear what may happen with a coma. We just never know. In my uncle's case, I'm not sure that there even WAS head injury, so that may not be a factor. Plus a lot of trauma (enough to get him transferred from one hospital to another 'cause they had a better trauma center), plus a heart attack, plus he's 76 which makes recovery far less likely. Still. You're absolutely right that you just never know. It's a whole area that is a mystery to our best scientists.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It does. And at the very least I can say that I know my uncle had a long and full life, and his health *was* such that a heart attack would not have been a surprise at all. It's more of a surprise that he hadn't had one yet. That knowledge may ease my cousin's grief a bit, one day. Maybe.

[therobbergirl.livejournal.com]

Well, bah. Just bah.

I'm sorry that your uncle died and that now there's this ugliness around his death. I hope that your family finds peace quickly.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I hope it doesn't. I know I've made mistakes, and if I ever made the mistake of driving drunk and I knew in my heart of hearts that I killed somebody, it would shake me to the core. I wouldn't want to drive a car even sober and fully awake. It might take me years before I drank alcohol ever again. Maybe this guy, if he was in fact drunk and knows what happened, will recoil from it the same way and clean up his act. I can hope.

I'm disgusted just by the *possibility* that my cousin's view of it is true. It might not be; he was understandably extremely upset at the time, and he might have smelled alcohol from someone else nearby, or some other misunderstanding could have occurred. Still, just the doubt is very disturbing.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I suspect it was the policeman's duty to administer the test. I might imagine my cousin suing, if he's certain enough of his observations. He's a lawyer.

And yeah, likely no way to prove it.

Heck, if I were that other driver and I thought I was innocent, I would have insisted that the policeman give me the test. I would want no questions. But if he thought he might be over the legal limit, he wouldn't do that... or if the cop just thought my cousin was raving and distraught and temporarily off his rocker, they wouldn't have bothered, either.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Yes, ugly thoughts and ugly suspicions, even though I wasn't close to him and I don't for a moment know the truth of the matter. It's disturbing just to doubt.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It's awful just to have the doubts. I hope everyone's heart can reach some acceptance despite that.

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

Oh, sweetie, this is the first I've heard of your uncle. I am so sorry.

:(

Hugs.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I am emotionally detached, a bit, since I wasn't all that close to the Ohio side of the family. But it's awful to wonder about something like this.

[moriamerri.livejournal.com]

For someone who has been in a coma, hyperbaric oxygen therapy might be very helpful. I mention this in case you are interested. Feel free to ignore it. It it VERY expensive, but also VERY useful for lots of things.... including brain injuries.

[moriamerri.livejournal.com]

I was almost killed by a drunk driver. Within seconds, and inches.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeeeeow. I bet that sort of experience never stops having its effects on one's life.

[moriamerri.livejournal.com]

um, only "sort of". Me and my car were totally untouched. I'd have to tell you LOTS more* to really get across how I could be entirely uninjured but so close to dying. It was "odd" to say the LEAST. (Boy it that the understatement of all time!)

So, there is an "odd" kind of effect: I have lots of emotional horror about it -- it has THAT kind of ongoing effect.

But I don't have, say, memories of being injured and living in hopitals and ongoign PHYSICAL effects, and so on.

I have EXTEMELY VIVID memories of the seconds of time in which I thought I was dead on the highway. No "maybe" invovled. For sure. In fact, several people died farther up the road. I talked to a policewoman who was at the scene. I think I still have the newspaper article. Biggest/goriest accident in that county in ages. I didn't see it.

So, I'd say it comes up here and there, in little odd moments.
But much less effect than if I had been hurt physically.
I have only the emotional reactions: horror, fear, disgust, etc.

Moria



*[I'm horrible at SUMMARY, honestly horrible. I'll try for one sentence:
@ freeway speed, car headed DIRECTLY FOR ME, in my lane &
not very far away - curvy road: somehow I sweared enough.
I didn't believe it that they had passed me, that they DIDN'T
hit me. No exaggeration: I still can't believe it.
See: horrible at summary: that was 3 sentences.]

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I have lots of emotional horror about it -- it has THAT kind of ongoing effect.

That's the kind of effect I was thinking of. I suspect the memory of such an event would stay with you, and probably affect some of your decisions, for a very long time.

Hey, that wasn't a horrible summary! It was a very short explanation of exactly what happened! And yeowtch, that must have been AWFUL.

[wooddragon.livejournal.com]

Wow. My sympathy to you and your family. And I hope that some answers come from the coroner's report.

[moriamerri.livejournal.com]

Yes -- I guess you are right -- I don't think I really know what all the effects on me are, long term. It was EXTREMELY upsetting at the time. I talked about it A LOT. But, I don't get reminded of it, say, every time I walk or move my leg or try to turn around. But certainly anything about drunk drivers brings it to mind..... and I've thought about joining MADD, for example. And the idea that my life could suddenly end without warning has more punch. Also the idea that people may not be "following the same rules" that I happen to think are in effect..... I also just find it psycologically *interesting*, as it is certainly the closest I've come to death so far, this life.

Yes, it was awful ;) and very bizarre -- very "twilight zone" stuff. Disconnected from everything else.

I think it can also be disturbing for people like you, who just hear about it, but um, in a different way. Scary, but without the emotional edge. When I say "several people were killed", or "I was almost killed" I kinda wonder what effect that has-- I expect it can be quite shocking to read/hear, but there is really no way to talk about it that ISN'T shocking. It's like I don't MEAN to start a bit topic, but, um, there it is.

Weirdly, today I'm wondering if I should someday try to contact the one survivor of the accident (caused by the driver who didn't kill me) -- There is a child who survived. Probably changed their life dramatically, I would guess.

I also think the situation with your uncle sounds like the sort of thing with long lingering emotional/mental effects. The not knowing, speculating, considering what could have been and may have been and so on. More for your cousin, I guess, but maybe also for you, if the family goes on speculating and being angry -- and I think it would be hard NOT to go on speculating and being upset.

I can really understand if your cousin wants to try to get more information, or sue. Just reading what you wrote about it, it seems very troubling. Even without personal connections or personal grief involved, it seems troubling to me!

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. :(

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Yeah, I hope there are some answers, to give a sense of closure.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Me, I wasn't all that close to him, but my mom is going through the wringer. Her (er, their, her and my late uncle's) mother passed away on the exact same date in 2002, which was far harder on her. My mom is now eldest in the tribe.