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Wednesday, October 19th, 2005 05:05 pm
What am I looking for in a friend or a group of friends / social circle?

I need to be visible. I do not ever again want to leave a group of friends and find out that they do not remember until I mention it that it's the last time I'm going to dance with them. I don't know what I do to be so invisible, but that's just pathetic. I will figure out my side of this dynamic and *fix it*. (This transition is going to be good for me in a lot of ways. Too bad I had to lose the feet to start looking at all this.)

I'd like someone to hang out with. People with whom I can be myself, and people who feel comfortable being themselves around me.

I'd like fun times. Laughter. Things to do, things to learn, things to talk about.

I'd like the opportunity to do nice things for others. I remember when I was having a crampy-doom day and [livejournal.com profile] wooddragon got me a chocolate muffin-cake-thing. She rocks. I remember [livejournal.com profile] crazyladynocats' cookies and [livejournal.com profile] rampling's cheese and [livejournal.com profile] indyansel's chocolate. Those were wonderful. Because I love it so much when people do stuff like that for me, I also want to be able to do things like that for them, too. (And no, it doesn't always have to be food. I sure do remember all the food, though, don't I? Heh!)

Ideally, for close friendships, I'd like someone who will call me -- gently -- on my shit, and who will challenge me to improve.

I might need to learn how to do my part to keep up friendships. I already know I don't reach out much. I will work on that. It may very well be that I don't pay attention in person. If so, I will fix it. That sort of thing.

What draws me to befriend someone online?

Intelligence, amusing or interesting things to say, humor, friendliness, at least something in common with me, supportiveness / caring, some level of self-awareness / taking responsibility for self, lack of need to put me down or order me around, ability to befriend me back even if we don't agree on everything.

Hi, everyone on my friendslist. Every one of you has some or all of this, at least in my eyes. :-)

What draws me to befriend someone in person?

Many of the same things, although they'll show up differently. We see each other on LJ through the written word, so people who are good at wordsmithing appear more intelligent. In person, spelling and grammar don't matter as much. Some people use LJ to vent and whine (I know I do) and thus may seem to be victims by temperament when they're less like that in person. Some people are very caring and supportive in LJ's many-separate-conversations environment, while others may not seem so because they're not necessarily sure what to type; but in person I perceive folks as supportive based on facial expresson and body language and whether they're willing to give me half the air time in a conversation.

Do I know anyone like this?

Hell yeah. Lots of 'em, and quite a few live within ten minutes of me. It's time for me to reach out to coworkers, regain contact with ex-coworkers, wave and smile at my neighbors, attend that block party. Time to show up at flying club activities; time to show up at W&S occasionally to get more face time with my LJ-friends farther away. Time to decide what my new big hobby will be (that'll take a while). And if I feel myself slipping into invisibility, maybe I'll urge all these people to get LJ accounts! :-)
Friday, October 21st, 2005 06:20 pm (UTC)
If you're interested, you would be welcome to join our Saturday lunch & gaming group, which usually meets in Sunnyvale or Belmont and is open to new people. I'm not sure exactly where you live, but maybe that's close enough to be accessible?

Several Caltech contemporaries of [livejournal.com profile] joedecker started it, and additional geeks/spice/etc. have joined in over the years. There is a private pilot in the group, and several people who travel a great deal, so you would have some shared interests even if the gaming is not appealing.

Follow up if you want to know more. Hm, does LJ provide any ability to email people, or can we only contact each other via journal entries?
Monday, October 24th, 2005 06:45 pm (UTC)
Ooo, thank you! I might enjoy joining the lunch part and meeting random local geeks. Geek = yay. :-)

LJ doesn't specifically provide a way to e-mail people, but username at livejournal works for... anyone with a paid account?... me, anyway.
Tuesday, October 25th, 2005 05:59 am (UTC)
Hey -- I wanna go, too! I like lunch _and_ gaming, and I live in between Sunnyvale and Belmont. I got this 'cause CJ's on my Friends list, BTW. I don't have a paid account; I guess comments on one of my LJ posts will have to do for now. I get email when CJ comments on my posts, FWIW.

Hope to meet you soon!
Tuesday, October 25th, 2005 09:49 pm (UTC)
Hi Kennita - I found what I think is your email address, on the website in your profile, and forwarded more details about our group. If you don't receive it soon, I guess you can post back to this thread.

Thanks for the heads-up, CJ. Don't think I would have noticed this otherwise.
Tuesday, October 25th, 2005 02:37 pm (UTC)
I suspect Kennita's reply below was aimed at you, fyi. She wants to see this lunch and gaming group too. :-)