What am I looking for?

[cjsmith]

What am I looking for in a friend or a group of friends / social circle?

I need to be visible. I do not ever again want to leave a group of friends and find out that they do not remember until I mention it that it's the last time I'm going to dance with them. I don't know what I do to be so invisible, but that's just pathetic. I will figure out my side of this dynamic and *fix it*. (This transition is going to be good for me in a lot of ways. Too bad I had to lose the feet to start looking at all this.)

I'd like someone to hang out with. People with whom I can be myself, and people who feel comfortable being themselves around me.

I'd like fun times. Laughter. Things to do, things to learn, things to talk about.

I'd like the opportunity to do nice things for others. I remember when I was having a crampy-doom day and wooddragon got me a chocolate muffin-cake-thing. She rocks. I remember crazyladynocats' cookies and rampling's cheese and indyansel's chocolate. Those were wonderful. Because I love it so much when people do stuff like that for me, I also want to be able to do things like that for them, too. (And no, it doesn't always have to be food. I sure do remember all the food, though, don't I? Heh!)

Ideally, for close friendships, I'd like someone who will call me -- gently -- on my shit, and who will challenge me to improve.

I might need to learn how to do my part to keep up friendships. I already know I don't reach out much. I will work on that. It may very well be that I don't pay attention in person. If so, I will fix it. That sort of thing.

What draws me to befriend someone online?

Intelligence, amusing or interesting things to say, humor, friendliness, at least something in common with me, supportiveness / caring, some level of self-awareness / taking responsibility for self, lack of need to put me down or order me around, ability to befriend me back even if we don't agree on everything.

Hi, everyone on my friendslist. Every one of you has some or all of this, at least in my eyes. :-)

What draws me to befriend someone in person?

Many of the same things, although they'll show up differently. We see each other on LJ through the written word, so people who are good at wordsmithing appear more intelligent. In person, spelling and grammar don't matter as much. Some people use LJ to vent and whine (I know I do) and thus may seem to be victims by temperament when they're less like that in person. Some people are very caring and supportive in LJ's many-separate-conversations environment, while others may not seem so because they're not necessarily sure what to type; but in person I perceive folks as supportive based on facial expresson and body language and whether they're willing to give me half the air time in a conversation.

Do I know anyone like this?

Hell yeah. Lots of 'em, and quite a few live within ten minutes of me. It's time for me to reach out to coworkers, regain contact with ex-coworkers, wave and smile at my neighbors, attend that block party. Time to show up at flying club activities; time to show up at W&S occasionally to get more face time with my LJ-friends farther away. Time to decide what my new big hobby will be (that'll take a while). And if I feel myself slipping into invisibility, maybe I'll urge all these people to get LJ accounts! :-)

Comments

[datagoddess.livejournal.com]

I do remember when we met face-to-face the first time - after a few minutes of two obviously-shy people being shy, I remember relaxing and being comfortable hanging out with you. It happened a lot faster than it usually does when I meet someone the first time, just because I felt I already knew you, because of LJ.

I need to learn to reach out, too. Part of my problem is finding local people I want to hang out with :-)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

a few minutes of two obviously-shy people being shy

Oh yeah! I remember that part :-)

I felt I already knew you, because of LJ.

Right. The process of getting to know someone on LJ is so different from in person! I can browse a person's journal for a long time before taking any kind of risk ... heck, there isn't much risk to take. In person, if you invite someone to "do lunch" and in the first ten minutes you find they're deeply abrasive, you're stuck for at least the lunch and maybe a couple of rebuffed return invites.

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

Then there was the 2nd time we were together (first time was when you and Toni picked me up at $FormerEmployer's MV office for lunch shortly after the two of you met) - when you were trying on corsets, as you put it, to break the ice. I have to admit it worked! ;-)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

BWAHAA! I remember that! Soooooooooo true. It *did* work :-) and it was fun and humorous as well!

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

Well I certainly enjoyed it! ;-)