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Holy moly! So after much conversation (thank you, everyone!), it's clear there are indeed a few things I'm doing to create this LJ-centric social life.
1. I don't like spending a long time getting somewhere.
This item is top of the list by far. If I'm invited to go somewhere that's an hour away from me, then I balance the two hours' round trip time against how well I know people there, how much fun I think the event is, how much work I have to do, whether I've seen much of Rob lately, whether Rob can or would want to go, my inherent laziness, whether I'm short on sleep, whether I think I can park near enough to baby my feet... and far far more often than not I wind up not going.
As I said in a comment to someone somewhere, being ten minutes away from a person means "Hey, I have a half hour free, want to drop by?" By contrast, being a half hour away means "I think I have some time late next week." An hour, sheesh: "How about after [my software release | NaNo is over | the holidays]?" This makes a big difference.
Now that I've identified this, I can make clearer decisions. I can invite people to my place, I can suggest events that are more centrally located where I can meet people, I can relax my driving "standards", I can accept the effect my driving "standards" have on my social life (likely), heck I can even think about moving (unlikely).
2. I get enough of my "social interaction" needs met through LJ that I become lazy about seeking in-person contact. Easy enough to tinker with, pay attention to, tweak over time.
3. I am more open online than in person. It's easier for me to talk about my hopes and fears here than face to face. Guess what: people who don't know me here on LJ don't feel they know me as well. Shocker. :-) This, too, is something that I can pay attention to over time, and shift if I like.
4. I don't make the first move. There's some fear in this. Will I live up to my friendly, likable online persona? Will the other person reject me? Will the other person want a lot more from me than I'm prepared to deliver? (Hey, I didn't say my fears were rational.) There's some laziness in this, too. I *am* busy -- it's quarter to nine as I type this paragraph and I'm at work -- and oftentimes, much as I'd love some low-key company, I just don't have the energy left in me to go do something about it.
In addition to some increased awareness there's one other thing this conversation has given me: I am immensely cheered up. Thank you, all of you, from the bottom of my heart. I was very grumpy this morning. I was angry with myself and with my feet, I was feeling hurt and alone and isolated and was a little angry at myself for that too, I was swamped with work... and now I'm fairly cheerful and only swamped with work. :-) LJ *does* do well for some kinds of social interaction. Having all these conversation-threads really gave me a boost. Thanks.
1. I don't like spending a long time getting somewhere.
This item is top of the list by far. If I'm invited to go somewhere that's an hour away from me, then I balance the two hours' round trip time against how well I know people there, how much fun I think the event is, how much work I have to do, whether I've seen much of Rob lately, whether Rob can or would want to go, my inherent laziness, whether I'm short on sleep, whether I think I can park near enough to baby my feet... and far far more often than not I wind up not going.
As I said in a comment to someone somewhere, being ten minutes away from a person means "Hey, I have a half hour free, want to drop by?" By contrast, being a half hour away means "I think I have some time late next week." An hour, sheesh: "How about after [my software release | NaNo is over | the holidays]?" This makes a big difference.
Now that I've identified this, I can make clearer decisions. I can invite people to my place, I can suggest events that are more centrally located where I can meet people, I can relax my driving "standards", I can accept the effect my driving "standards" have on my social life (likely), heck I can even think about moving (unlikely).
2. I get enough of my "social interaction" needs met through LJ that I become lazy about seeking in-person contact. Easy enough to tinker with, pay attention to, tweak over time.
3. I am more open online than in person. It's easier for me to talk about my hopes and fears here than face to face. Guess what: people who don't know me here on LJ don't feel they know me as well. Shocker. :-) This, too, is something that I can pay attention to over time, and shift if I like.
4. I don't make the first move. There's some fear in this. Will I live up to my friendly, likable online persona? Will the other person reject me? Will the other person want a lot more from me than I'm prepared to deliver? (Hey, I didn't say my fears were rational.) There's some laziness in this, too. I *am* busy -- it's quarter to nine as I type this paragraph and I'm at work -- and oftentimes, much as I'd love some low-key company, I just don't have the energy left in me to go do something about it.
In addition to some increased awareness there's one other thing this conversation has given me: I am immensely cheered up. Thank you, all of you, from the bottom of my heart. I was very grumpy this morning. I was angry with myself and with my feet, I was feeling hurt and alone and isolated and was a little angry at myself for that too, I was swamped with work... and now I'm fairly cheerful and only swamped with work. :-) LJ *does* do well for some kinds of social interaction. Having all these conversation-threads really gave me a boost. Thanks.
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:-( (from the person four hours away by jet)
Actually, I agree with this somewhat. What has helped me is to make something out of the journey. Travel through beautiful scenery, reading a good book on the plane, conversation with a traveling companion - all help somewhat. Out there, where the Bay Area is bigger than people realize, yeah, I can understand that.
4. I don't make the first move.
May I have the brain back? :-)
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Hey, CJ, wanna come out here some time between Christmas and New Years? I'm off work, Dan's probably off work (depending on whether or not he's working, of course), and we can go see the LotR exhibit, the Children's Museum (and go down the big slide, and see the water clock...)
I can make first moves, occasionally. That's how I got Dan :-)
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...it... uh...
(I have to say it.) ...goes both ways.
;-)
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