Tidbits

[cjsmith]

indyansel, I don't believe this! They're awesome! They arrived in styrofoam with an ice pack. And you knew I liked dark! How'd you know/remember that??

apparentparadox, that pillow thing is a GODSEND. I used it all day yesterday and I'm using it now.

The long-acting local is definitely all gone now. It's interesting learning how to get around without letting either forefoot touch ANYTHING. I am realizing how much easier things would be with one good leg, particularly in the bathroom. But I'm still glad I don't have to go through surgery twice!

I suspect, as ouchy as this is, that I have it easy in the post-surgical pain department. After all, at the bottom of the incision just coincidentally happens to be a spot where I don't have a nerve any more.

Since the local's worn off I can feel my toes... most of them. On each foot there is a spot I will never feel again, and let me just say right now that is the weirdest sensation I have experienced in thirty-seven years on this earth. It's not half so freaky when I know it's an anaesthetic. This is ME; this is how my body is, forever. A local is also, somehow, not quite as complete a loss of sensation. I touch these toes with my fingers and it's like they're not there at all. Someone substituted plastic toes. Except that the other side of each toe is there. At that point my brain segfaults. It simply cannot make sense of the input it is getting.

For some reason I am still thinking of all this as a grand adventure.

Comments

[rampling.livejournal.com]

The "grand adventure" mindset is what got me through most of my stuff. Even when stuff sucked, I looked at is a tour of stuff I don't usually get to see. Tricky to keep that mindset all of the time, of course, but the more you can manage, the better. Happy adventuring!!!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oh yay, I'm not the only one! I'm glad it worked so well for you. It's tricky to keep in mind when there's pain, of course. That's what makes me want to say "adventure be damned, send me back to a life without it". I bet those were the times when you least loved your adventure as well, no? Bleagh! But cool medical stuff? gelatinous blobby pictures? weird sensations to get used to? new terms to study? Bring it on! :-)

[rampling.livejournal.com]

I definitely encouraged my sense of adventure and my scientific curiosity as much as possible, both 'cause it was fun, and because it made it a lot easier to get through. I guess I have a lot of both, so that did help a lot. But of course it wasn't sustainable 100% of the time, not by a long shot. There were some very scary moments, some very painful moments, some both, and no pretty distracting thoughts of adventure or science would help in the slightest. But for the ordinary nasty pain and the usual levels of scary stuff, I did get some noticeable relief from looking at the science and the adventure and the "this is what some people deal with all the time" tour .

The scary part is that since mine was so serious, I got to see some stuff that I see as a preview of what things might be like if I was much older and unable to care for myself. Let's just say I wouldn't go to some of the places I did if I knew I would have to stay. I try to tell myself that this preview will serve me well someday, 'cause I'll know the appropriate questions to ask if I ever have to choose a nursing facility or the like. Whee.

As for numbness -- I still have "not quite numbness" or what I call "weirdness" in the first finger and thumb of my left hand, radating up to my wrist. Immediately after my surgery my thumb and first three (then very quickly only two) fingers were fully numb and stiff. Slowly, but slowly, but slowly, the numbness receded towards the tips of these digits only, then went away, and now I'm left with the oddest "shadow of numbness" that feels odd. But while I had the numbness, I *know* what you feel about how odd it feels. And for me it was especially scary, 'cause they couldn't promise me that I'd get any of the feeling back -- in my fingers! I use those! Luckily the "shadow of numbness" I've been left with is completely functional, no longer stiff, and mostly ignorable. But it's an oddment that I notice from time to time. I hope your numbness receds to an oddment too.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I have been encouraging mine too. I've been told there are three types of patients: a) "just tell me what to do, Doc, I trust ya", b) terrified but not seeking out information, c) doing all the research they can get their hands on. Apparently, A and C both do well, quite possibly linked more to the positive attitude than to specifics of who came up with what treatment; B folks don't in general do as well. Anyway, long-winded, but... you and I are very DEFINITELY in that third group!

I am very very glad your sensation came back in the fingers. Fingers are USEFUL! Yowie! I'm sure you would have adapted to a great extent, if it never came back, but I'm awfully glad you didn't have to.