Anger and irritation

[cjsmith]

Some people seem to go out of their way to get ticked off. What does this buy them? Do I do it, too?

I don't enjoy being irritated or offended or pissed at someone. I'd love to have no cause ever again to feel those things. I know this isn't a perfect world, but I can help this along a bit. I can decide that I want my anger to be reserved for things that matter.

Insults and threats, injustices, or actual harm done (particularly to me or to those I care about) -- those things matter.

Which way someone puts a bumper sticker on their car does not fall into those categories. Neither does the age-appropriateness of the outfit worn by a random passerby. I'll even go out on a limb here and say that stupidity and incompetence should be okay in the privacy of one's own home.

My exercise for myself, when I get angry, is to ask myself what matters. Hopefully by asking this question I can help build better mental habits. Someone parked across two spaces? OK, stole some time from me. Time is the one thing I can't replace, so I can see being a little annoyed. Someone's car or truck is dolled up to look laughably stupid? Nope -- funny maybe, but not annoying. Someone had the temerity to merge in behind me in traffic? BEHIND me? Fiiiiiine with me.

(Yes, all of these are real examples I've seen in the past couple of weeks. Either I've seen someone else get pissy about them or I've been the one.)

Comments

[layer.livejournal.com]

i notice i tend to get most annoyed by things other people do that are related to things i don't like or are insecure about in myself (that age appropriate clothing really hits a nerve with me and i know i've posted about it recently). i realize that anytime something hits one of my triggers, more than asking whether or not it's something that matters, i need to ask why. what in myself make it bother me that much, because chances are it will reveal something in myself i need to address.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

that age appropriate clothing really hits a nerve with me and i know i've posted about it recently

I hadn't noticed your post, but rest assured you're not the only one who gets bothered by that! :-) Ooo, along those same lines, lots of folks -- okay, women -- seem to give a hoot about what someone else (some other woman) is eating.

more than asking whether or not it's something that matters, i need to ask why.

That is better, yes! Well put. This can reveal a pattern that we can learn from.