Anger and irritation

[cjsmith]

Some people seem to go out of their way to get ticked off. What does this buy them? Do I do it, too?

I don't enjoy being irritated or offended or pissed at someone. I'd love to have no cause ever again to feel those things. I know this isn't a perfect world, but I can help this along a bit. I can decide that I want my anger to be reserved for things that matter.

Insults and threats, injustices, or actual harm done (particularly to me or to those I care about) -- those things matter.

Which way someone puts a bumper sticker on their car does not fall into those categories. Neither does the age-appropriateness of the outfit worn by a random passerby. I'll even go out on a limb here and say that stupidity and incompetence should be okay in the privacy of one's own home.

My exercise for myself, when I get angry, is to ask myself what matters. Hopefully by asking this question I can help build better mental habits. Someone parked across two spaces? OK, stole some time from me. Time is the one thing I can't replace, so I can see being a little annoyed. Someone's car or truck is dolled up to look laughably stupid? Nope -- funny maybe, but not annoying. Someone had the temerity to merge in behind me in traffic? BEHIND me? Fiiiiiine with me.

(Yes, all of these are real examples I've seen in the past couple of weeks. Either I've seen someone else get pissy about them or I've been the one.)

Comments

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

*nod* I can get much more annoyed when I'm under stress than when I'm not. Sometimes it's out of proportion. I'd like to be more even-keeled about things large and small. I'm impressed/envious of that quality in you.

O'course, then there are ones that really puzzle me: the things that piss people off and I honestly can't figure out why. The orientation of the ribbon bumper stickers, for example. How on God's green earth does that cause harm to ANYONE?

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

Pissed off at the orientation of a ribbon bumper sticker? I'm with you - WTF?

I'm impressed/envious of that quality in you.

*blush* I'm not so sure it's always such a great thing. I think it's been one of my biggest challenges whenever I'm trying to persuade someone (which isn't often, given my live-and-let-live attitude) or (such as now) when I'm in the job market. I think I'm perceived as lacking passion, or worse, being disinterested. That isn't necessarily true, but I can see from where such an inference might come. Of course, this time around I have even to get to the interview for that to be an issue, but I digress.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I suppose every quality has its advantages and disadvantages. I hadn't thought of that one. And man, that's gotta be frustrating, this job search. I wish you luck in getting interviews (and eventually getting a job you'll enjoy)!

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I think the key right now is perseverence. I was in the market for over two years the last time I had to do this, and the job I found was the one that lasted 9 years. I'm periodically getting pretty discouraged and second guessing my strategy and tactics and so forth, but no matter what I just have to keep at it.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I expect last time was discouraging too then, huh? :-/ I'm glad you have one mental voice saying "keep at it" to help counteract the ones saying "aaaaagh!"

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah. And last time I started with fresh-out-of-grad-school naivete, and Toni and I weren't very established as a married couple or financially, either.

I just hope that one voice stays with me. :-)

[genderfur.livejournal.com]

My rule in my recent job-hunt was "Do 1 thing every day." More was okay, of course, but my base expectation was pretty low so that I never got to feeling overwhelmed and then depressed. (It worked, btw, and my postings about how I was structuring my job hunt got another friend on LJ employed, too.)