Anger and irritation

[cjsmith]

Some people seem to go out of their way to get ticked off. What does this buy them? Do I do it, too?

I don't enjoy being irritated or offended or pissed at someone. I'd love to have no cause ever again to feel those things. I know this isn't a perfect world, but I can help this along a bit. I can decide that I want my anger to be reserved for things that matter.

Insults and threats, injustices, or actual harm done (particularly to me or to those I care about) -- those things matter.

Which way someone puts a bumper sticker on their car does not fall into those categories. Neither does the age-appropriateness of the outfit worn by a random passerby. I'll even go out on a limb here and say that stupidity and incompetence should be okay in the privacy of one's own home.

My exercise for myself, when I get angry, is to ask myself what matters. Hopefully by asking this question I can help build better mental habits. Someone parked across two spaces? OK, stole some time from me. Time is the one thing I can't replace, so I can see being a little annoyed. Someone's car or truck is dolled up to look laughably stupid? Nope -- funny maybe, but not annoying. Someone had the temerity to merge in behind me in traffic? BEHIND me? Fiiiiiine with me.

(Yes, all of these are real examples I've seen in the past couple of weeks. Either I've seen someone else get pissy about them or I've been the one.)

Comments

[joerapture.livejournal.com]

I just ask myself, "Is this the hill I want to die on?" Usually it isn't. Most stuff I can't do anything about anyway, like traffic, weather, ex wife, etc. This is a skill I learned living in the desert working with Arabs. Lotsa patience gained by that one.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

"Is this the hill I want to die on?"

As in, will you fight about it? Yeah, that's a pretty good question. Makes ya think. It's even stronger than "pick your battles."