Deadline

[cjsmith]

I may have to face the fact that I'll never get better. What would I do if I knew right this moment that I would never again walk without pain?

The Never Get Better To Do List
1. Apply for disabled parking placard.
2. Cut my hair. Ditch gym membership, get a Y membership. Begin swimming.
3. Quit square dancing.
4. Get an electric scooter, all-terrain if possible. Maybe buy a new car to accommodate it.

I'm holding off on doing those things because I cling to the hope that I'll get better. In some ways the worst part is not knowing either way for sure. My life is on hold until a miracle occurs.

Maybe I should set a deadline. How long am I willing to stay on hold, given that it's already been a year and a half and given that miracles aren't looking likely?

Comments

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I agree that we don't hear -- and our culture does not honor, which is also a factor -- the stories of the ones who didn't get better no matter how much they fought, nor the stories of the ones who got better through surrender.

I can also see that letting someone else help me is very, *very* hard for me. I don't trust easily and I am a bit of a control freak.

Let your life change to match your current reality. See what happens.

This much I can do. To be honest, I'm not sure I can avoid doing it for much longer. The fight has been like having another job. My work and my social life are both losing out because of that.

[abenn.livejournal.com]

I know what it's like having the fight take over your life.

Best of luck, and blessings. I know that it's going to improve at some point, I just don't know when or how.