Deadline

[cjsmith]

I may have to face the fact that I'll never get better. What would I do if I knew right this moment that I would never again walk without pain?

The Never Get Better To Do List
1. Apply for disabled parking placard.
2. Cut my hair. Ditch gym membership, get a Y membership. Begin swimming.
3. Quit square dancing.
4. Get an electric scooter, all-terrain if possible. Maybe buy a new car to accommodate it.

I'm holding off on doing those things because I cling to the hope that I'll get better. In some ways the worst part is not knowing either way for sure. My life is on hold until a miracle occurs.

Maybe I should set a deadline. How long am I willing to stay on hold, given that it's already been a year and a half and given that miracles aren't looking likely?

Comments

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure I can really call the way this feels "taking charge". It feels an awful lot like "giving up". It's depressing and sad and frustrating and angry-making and I just don't want to accept that it's the best I can do.

*sigh*. I can tell I'm gonna whine for a while. I do not want to be as gimpy as I am. I do not want it, Sam I Am.

I like the idea of purple and customized, and I think the wireless doorbell is an awesome idea!

[rampling.livejournal.com]

Too bad it feels more like "giving up" for you. If you keep the mindset of it being temporary, that can help. I kind of enjoyed (in some sort of twisted way) the experience of "walking in someone elses shoes", or really, riding a cart in someone else's cart, or pushing a walker in someone else's slippers, or something like that. I saw it as a tour of how other people live, and as a taste of what life might be like for me if I end up there. It's scary, but it's also possible (if you're determined!) to see it as an adventure. I've read your wheelchair stores with a bit of curiously twisted envy, since I've never gotten to try out wheeling. I guess I'm a bit of an optimist about these sorts of things.

Of course maintaining that fun and adventure viewpoint for the whole thing all the time isn't a reasonable expectation. Or even most of the time. But I find the more I can play with that idea, the better I do. And keeping that outlook that it could still be temporary -- you don't need to swallow a permanent situation, yet, so leave that part be for later if it comes.

Just my ideas, YMMV as usual.

At least *HUGS* usually work. And cheeeeeeeese! At least you're not facing a potential low-fat watch-your-cheese-consumption diet!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I do have that "temporarily walking in someone else's shoes" mindset about the wheelchair, a little. It's an adventure and a learning experience.

I hope you can keep eating SOME cheeeeeeeeeeeese! Life without cheese would be a definite loss for you.

[rampling.livejournal.com]

Glad you can get some of the adventure-flavored fun out of the chair stuff. That's great to hear.

'Bout cheese... I'm figuring all I need to do (potentially, hopefully) is balance my fat intake, and not get totally carried away all the time. A good idea anyway. So some cheese here and there should be fine, including special occasions of extra indulgence, like FONDUUUUUUUUUE!!! At least that's my plan. ;)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Speaking of fondue, you were thinking of a trip up this way at some point... did that fade out, did I miss it, or is it maybe still in the future?

Fonduuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuue!!!

[rampling.livejournal.com]

YES! It's still in the future, and I think I oughtta make it a real solid plan, and soon. Will have to think about it later (tonight, I think), see what might work. As I see it, I'm practically required to go up for a visit -- Fondue, Kitties, and Seeing You! Fab triple antibiotic medicine for me!

Re: Fonduuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuue!!!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oh man, I'm channeling the Tick. "I need a battle cry. SPOON!" Except yours, and mine, would be "FONDUUUUUUUUUUUUE!"

I am glad that would be a good triple antibiotic cocktail! Yay! And seeing Joe, and Mary, and whomever else up here (the_ogre?)... I'm glad you can come up this way for visits every so often.

P.S.

[rampling.livejournal.com]

Keep up the whining! Whine away! LJ-cut it if you feel you need to. It's important to have a place you feel comfortable that you can vent, and I'm happy to be a vent sink for you any time you wanna vent.

*HUGS* *kitties* *purrs* *cheeeeeeeeese*

Re: P.S.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Aw, thanks! I figure, more than many on my friends list, you'd understand.

Lots of kitty-purrs right back atcha!