Forgiveness

[cjsmith]

I'd be happier if I learned to forgive old hurts.

Sometimes I find it easier to forgive if I can put myself in the other person's shoes and understand a little - what pressures that person was under, what might have been meant but not said, what might have been said but not meant.

Sometimes I can forgive if I just don't give two hoots about the other person at all. It's incredibly freeing to hold someone in (let's be honest here) such low esteem that I don't care what they think of me. Sadly, or perhaps gladly, this one's rare for me.

Sometimes I can forgive if it's been long enough that I'm not the same person I was. I care less what was done to that CJ, or I now see how I set myself up for it.

Often times, an apology (particularly an indication that hurt wasn't intentional) is all I need. Then it's over, done, gone.

Those are the easy cases. They're so easy it's almost cheating. Real forgiveness... no, I don't think I'm quite so good at that.

Comments

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

But getting to a place where I don't see myself as wounded and angry any more, that's a win.

Yes, that. I don't count that as "forgiveness" exactly. It's also tied up with not giving a damn anymore. I've found, lately, that I can move on, not carry the weight, while not forgiving in the classic sense of "forgive and forget". Some people are better kept far, far away. Completely away if possible. Those people are few and far between, fortunately, but they exist.

There are people who fuck up inadvertantly or without spite - we all do that. And then there are the people who are toxic, or users, or otherwise display a pattern of behavior which ranges from simply self-centered to nearly vampiric in its nature. I guess I'm getting old and impatient, but I haven't got *time* to deal with those people. I find that I'm getting pretty picky about who I allow close, and who I allow close includes those who I would forgive. The side-effect of that has been that I don't hold onto anger nearly as long as I used to; I haven't got time or patience for that, either. I find it easy, these days, to stay open to the people who enhance my life and this world and walk away from those people who detract from it all.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Moving on, yes, not carrying the weight, yes. That's what I'm looking for. Maybe there's a next step after that, but I'll worry about next steps later.

I find it easy, these days, to stay open to the people who enhance my life and this world and walk away from those people who detract from it all.

Ideal! Me, I'm much better at the walking away than the staying open. Despite the fact that I talk a lot, sometimes about some fairly personal things, few people know me. Even with those I'll "turtle up" easily. This could be improved.

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

Ah, well, the people I allow to know me, really *know* me, are small in number, and I'm exceedingly comfortable with that. There's open, and then there's *open*, y'know? :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I think I am like you in that the number of people who really know me are few. That's okay with me. Many people know me a bit, and probably think they know me very well, and that's fine with me too -- but folks like rfrench are rare and precious indeed. Now if I could just not turtle up away from *him* quite as often as I do. :-)