Forgiveness

[cjsmith]

I'd be happier if I learned to forgive old hurts.

Sometimes I find it easier to forgive if I can put myself in the other person's shoes and understand a little - what pressures that person was under, what might have been meant but not said, what might have been said but not meant.

Sometimes I can forgive if I just don't give two hoots about the other person at all. It's incredibly freeing to hold someone in (let's be honest here) such low esteem that I don't care what they think of me. Sadly, or perhaps gladly, this one's rare for me.

Sometimes I can forgive if it's been long enough that I'm not the same person I was. I care less what was done to that CJ, or I now see how I set myself up for it.

Often times, an apology (particularly an indication that hurt wasn't intentional) is all I need. Then it's over, done, gone.

Those are the easy cases. They're so easy it's almost cheating. Real forgiveness... no, I don't think I'm quite so good at that.

Comments

Re: Questions about the idea and usefulness of forgiveness

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Ah. I see "forgiveness" as something I give myself. If someone else wants it, that's their problem, not mine; I can choose to say the words, perhaps, but I don't believe I have an obligation to do so. But getting to a place where I don't see myself as wounded and angry any more, that's a win.

I agree that 1 and 2, as stated, are not always good things and can have bad side effects. 2 perhaps, if it could be done fully and authentically, would be good -- but I'm not at the level of spiritual growth where I can do it for big or even middling-sized situations.