Forgiveness

[cjsmith]

I'd be happier if I learned to forgive old hurts.

Sometimes I find it easier to forgive if I can put myself in the other person's shoes and understand a little - what pressures that person was under, what might have been meant but not said, what might have been said but not meant.

Sometimes I can forgive if I just don't give two hoots about the other person at all. It's incredibly freeing to hold someone in (let's be honest here) such low esteem that I don't care what they think of me. Sadly, or perhaps gladly, this one's rare for me.

Sometimes I can forgive if it's been long enough that I'm not the same person I was. I care less what was done to that CJ, or I now see how I set myself up for it.

Often times, an apology (particularly an indication that hurt wasn't intentional) is all I need. Then it's over, done, gone.

Those are the easy cases. They're so easy it's almost cheating. Real forgiveness... no, I don't think I'm quite so good at that.

Comments

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

All the people I've attempted to forgive and start over with have gone on to do the same things to me all over again

Ohhhh yes, this is a big element of it all too.

I think -- or at least I hope, for my own future happiness and sanity -- that there's a distinction between "forgive" and "let 'em do it to me all over again". I would like to forgive AND hold firm boundaries. I guess that means letting go of the hurt and anger that poison my own system while remaining aware that the events occurred. I'm not good at it.

[datagoddess.livejournal.com]

The difference between forgiving and forgetting, basically. I can forgive a lot of things. Forgetting and letting that person do it again, well, sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. Depends on the person.