Some days are rough.

[cjsmith]

[LJ-CUT TEXT="whining inside"]

Objectively I should be having a good day. I got to the post office this morning, had lunch with some old friends (and handed over a T-shirt for one of 'em, thus getting the dang thing out of my car), and made a phone call to my foot doctor (I'm GIVING UP @#$!IT KILL THE NERVES). "Progress," I should be saying happily. What's more, none of my chronic pain conditions are bad right now.

But "objectively" doesn't cut it, somehow. I'm getting nothing done at work, and I feel pretty bad about that. I don't feel good about my work -- not about "my job", that part's fine -- so I get avoidant, which makes things worse. Then there's my health. I have dreams of running again some day, and though I know it shouldn't matter, those dreams are tarnished when I hear about my coworker coming back from an ultramarathon (having just beat his personal best time for 150 miles) and my sister running her first marathon. Somehow I want to ask these people "And what would you do if you had THIS body? This body that can't walk a mile? Where would everyone's cheers for you be then, huh?"

Since I'm already blue, I remember that I spent a three-day weekend basically alone, because the friends I wanted to spend time with were far away or were busy; I remember that I need a fairly annoying surgery and I don't know how to pay for it or even when to schedule it; I remember that despite a lot of effort, I still don't know how I'm going to create a financially secure retirement for myself.

I'm getting old and I have nothing to show for it. On days like today, that hurts a great deal.

Comments

[wcg.livejournal.com]

What makes a life a "good life"?

I'd say it's a good life if you're far enough up the pyramid of Mazlow's Hierarchy of Needs to be able to contemplate questions of what a good life consists of. That'd mean you have your survival needs taken care of. You have food, shelter, reasonable stability in life. Companionship. Security. An opportunity for self-actualization. That kind of thing.

It can be frustrating when your self-actualization seems to have gone to dust and ashes, but so many will never even have that chance.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I suppose I could see any life higher on Maslow as "good" compared to anything lower. But I'm not sure I really do. Someone who lives alone but is constitutionally fairly content versus someone who is loved very much by a partner but who suffers from depression... Maybe what I'm saying is I'd flip "love" and "esteem". Hmm. Yes, in fact, I would.

To be brutally honest, I think "esteem" is where I'm stuck.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

And that is something of a shame, as I consider you someone who'd be very easy to love.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I can't think of anything to say except thank you. So... thank you.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

You're welcome CJ.