Personal responsibility

[cjsmith]

Well spoken.

"Have to" is almost always shorthand for "have to or else [consequence]". I think we as a culture are getting seduced by the shorthand, and we're beginning to think that we don't have a lot of the choices we really do have.

"Was forced to" is a particularly advanced form of this shorthand. The consequence is not only unstated but usually not possible to figure out from the content of the message. The subtext is that the actual consequence itself doesn't matter. Any bad consequence at all is enough to forgive the action.

Comments

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

Well, I guess I'm saying it's not because of the shorthand that people began speaking this way. It's because of shortsightedness, which unfortunately, optomoligists can't correct.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Ah, you're thinking the cause and effect are backwards?

I'm not sure. I think it's a cycle.

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

Yeah, precisely. I think people say "I have to" because they really think there are no other options. It never was shorthand in at least some cases.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Well, now we get into how our mother tongue shapes thought. If they'd never heard anyone else say "have to" while leaving out the rest, or if English didn't have a "have to", but had only "foo depends on bar", would that have developed? But that's a bit of a tangent.

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

Yes, I agree that language in general shapes thought -- but in this case, I just think that humans are too result-oriented and small minded to ever have thought anything else. I'm such a cynic! When did that happen???

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I sometimes think that sort of cynicism is a stage in growing up. I hope there's a stage after it, 'cause I'm getting a little tired of my own cynicism!

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

Hurrah, I'm finally a grown-up! (oops, I almost used an emoticon!)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I want to be a grown-up in all the GOOD ways: competent, capable, self-accepting, compassionate, confident, and incredibly *aware*. I want to both wake up and learn how to accept what I see when I open my eyes. I could skip some of the bad stuff that seems to happen so often along the way, like worry and cynicism and the sneaking suspicion that anyone much younger than I am has little of use to say.

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

Nah, I was worried when I was 6. I'm used to it by now.

What I'm really really SORRY I lost is my sense of fun. I completely forgot how to have fun (without a beach resort) somewhere along the way.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Nah, I was worried when I was 6. I'm used to it by now.

Me, I'm just used to worrying!

I completely forgot how to have fun

That is indeed sad. I think I have lost most of my sense of fun. I've retained silliness, which I think should be a required course for any grownups who have lost it, but I'm usually too full of should and oughtta to have much fun. Grump.

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

Yeah. What you said.

Only on top of the should and oughtta, there's a thick layer of sad that just won't go away. It's really hard to be spontaneously fun when you're just sad, and weary.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Well-described, that. I am hoping it's a symptom of incomplete awareness. I'm intelligent enough and I pay enough attention that I see a lot of shitty things that (I presume) many other people ignore. Maybe I'll lose the sad when I start to see a level beyond that one, with lots of unshitty things.

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

So now I have to tell you the story of when at a party someone quoted Walpole: "Life is a tragedy for those who feel, but a comedy to those who think." (http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/4612.html)

L said, "That's so sad!"
T looked at her & said, "That's really funny!"

I don't think you have to lose the sad to have fun; If that were true, no grownups would ever have any fun. And we do sometimes. Hell, I think the sadder you are, the more you need fun. Even if your fun never quite loses that edge. You can still have it. "Soul clap its hands and sing, and louder sing/ For every tatter in its mortal dress!" (http://quotations.about.com/cs/poemlyrics/a/Sailing_To_Byza.htm)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

L said, "That's so sad!"
T looked at her & said, "That's really funny!"

Now THAT response IS funny! I like that!

Hell, I think the sadder you are, the more you need fun.

Definitely. This must be one of those "practice" things. I need practice. Like I need practice at trading backrubs, and making/eating good chocolate chip cookies, and... Mmm, practice.

Bookmarked the Yeats poem -- thank you.

[redgrrl.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Here ya go, dear:):):):):)

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

Whew, that's better. Thanks, dear!

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

But let me be clear -- I *do* think that how we use language often changes the way we think. For example, thanks to the oversaturation of advertising language, we've completely changed the way we think about the beautiful, the improved, the free.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Agreed. I think this effect can be countered for ourselves as individuals (partially countered, that is, maybe not ever entirely) by being careful about how we ourselves use words.

I try. I'm probably not very good at it. :-)

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

Yes, precisely! I think it's *very* hard to get over the preconceptions that come packaged with our language. First, you have to recognize that they're *there*!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yes. That recognition takes either a heckuva lot of introspection (and good introspection, which is hard to begin with (a lifetime of meditation, maybe?)) or learning a bunch of other languages that have different preconceptions... and I bet either method could take multiple lifetimes to complete.

Watching how language use changes around you is a good handle on the evolving or new preconceptions, too. (I see "have to"-shorthand as being on the rise. Either that or I've started to hang out with people who are more strongly infected than the people I used to hang out with.)

Anyway, I'm sure glad I don't have to finish the task before getting any benefit out of it. :-)

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

Yep. What you said.

You know, I love it when you and I are awake at the same time!!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

So do I! I love these conversations!