Unloading

[cjsmith]

A friend of mine is making wonderful progress on clearing STUFF out of her house. She mentioned how good it feels.

I remember how good it felt to me. I used to be able to get rid of crap, and I always felt better afterwards. It was a weight off my shoulders, a load off my mind, an uplifting of my soul. It was wonderful. I remember.

So why can't I get rid of STUFF any more? I go from one shelf or drawer to the next, and then in mild annoyance I try again in another room, but I'm not truly willing to part with anything I see.

I bet a lot of this has to do with having no paycheck for the last fifteen months. Every object in the house could conceivably - chant it with me now - "come in handy some day". If I can't deceive myself with that tired old line, the object still could be of value to SOMEone, and so it's awfully hard to throw it away. But selling it is a hassle, often more hassle than it's worth. Even finding someone who wants a thing for free is often a hassle. So I don't do anything... and I'm surrounded by STUFF.

Comments

I posted this in february

[ossie.livejournal.com]

http://www.livejournal.com/users/ossie/2004/02/01/


one of these days I will probably give away a ton of stuff that I really dont need, or put them on Ebay,
I am such a pack-rat, always feeling I can make something work again if its broken,
there really is no reason I should keep old VCRs or CD players that dont work anymore in the garage, I will never look at them and try to fix them, VCRS got so cheap its not worth it anymore,
I guess Mondays trash pile might get a little higher if I just threw away the old things that dont work,



see we all are pretty much the same, save everything, there was a program a few weeks ago about people who hoard stuff.
I thought it would lead me into a place that I would start cleaning out my garage and throw away stuff, but I didnt,

anyway good luck with your stuff,


take care
Ossie

Re: I posted this in february

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

see we all are pretty much the same, save everything

Oh, it's so true. Lots of people struggle with this. I read a book once that said (among other very good things) "The Universe throws crap at you. Your job is to throw it back."

there was a program a few weeks ago about people who hoard stuff. I thought it would lead me into a place that I would start cleaning out my garage and throw away stuff, but I didnt

Yeah. That book I mentioned had little stories about people who have it a lot worse than I do. That did motivate me. There was relief that my own life isn't that bad (at least not yet) and energy to help keep me from getting worse. It always seems so easy when I read about someone else's problem. Oh, he collects old broken refrigerators? And he needed to buy a chunk of land to put them all on? Well. I know what I'd do if I were HIM. So then sometimes I have some energy to go do what I should do if I'm ME.

I think I'll reread that book. :-)

[hitchhiker.livejournal.com]

The minute you get your first^Wnext paycheque, call a bunch of close friends over and have a throwing away party. Get some large cartons labelled "goodwill", "salvation army", "women's shelter", etc, and a final one (or several) labelled "dustbin", and have fun filling them. Then get your friends to cart them off to their several destinations before you change your mind :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

That's a wonderful idea. I'd be really happy to help out my friends in the same way, too -- sorting through stuff and carting off what they tell me to. It's hard to remain objective when I'm by myself!

[hitchhiker.livejournal.com]

ideas ya us :) plus having friends around makes the whole exercise that much less tedious - sort of like moving.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

ideas ya us

It took me embarrassingly long to parse this properly. :-)

[ambar.livejournal.com]

Oh, hey, WOW. Deal, babe. Say when. :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah. A trade, one-for-one? Wouldn't it be great to have a small group to do this with?

(wouldn't it be great if you and I happened to be an hour and fifteen minutes closer to each other?)

[sunnydale47.livejournal.com]

Read the article I linked to (http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2004-02-18-hoarding-usat_x.htm) in my post about saving stuff being a packrat hoarding (http://www.livejournal.com/users/sunnydale47/353237.html). It really helped me start thinking about throwing out some things I'd been loath to get rid of because "I might need them some time!" I haven't gotten a round tuit yet, but at least I've identified some stuff I will never need at any time during the entire rest of my life -- and when I start cleaning, many things I would otherwise have kept are going to go.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

That article reminds me a lot of the book "Stop Clutter from Stealing Your Life". It, too, recognized the connections between hoarding and OCD, between hoarding and perfectionism, between hoarding and anxiety. That book is incredibly motivational, and I just fetched it out to re-read again in the hopes that it will switch me back over into the mode where I can let go.

...at least I've identified some stuff I will never need at any time during the entire rest of my life

That's a really good first step. I suppose the step of identifying things that MIGHT be useful someday but the chances aren't good enough that it's worth keeping the thing -- that's more advanced than this clear-cut case.

[tsjafo.livejournal.com]

I've held on to so much stuff, hauled it all over the planet for so many years, that I've had to resort to using a crowbar to pry my fingers open and let some of it go. *sigh* But let it go I must, I need the room. Things may come in handy someday, but if you can't find them, you don't really have them anyway. Good luck on your winnowing and sorting.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It's good just to hear from others who have been there. I know there are people who have serious difficulties related to hanging on to too much stuff, but those are usually the ones who deny it's a problem. Hearing from people who work at it, and are still connected to reality too, is great.

I'm re-reading "Stop Clutter from Stealing Your Life". Very motivational.

[just-cyd.livejournal.com]

So why can't I get rid of STUFF any more? I go from one shelf or drawer to the next, and then in mild annoyance I try again in another room, but I'm not truly willing to part with anything I see.

is this stuff too emotionally-charged to handle? does it hold too much promise of "if only..."? does it make you angry? That's the thing that stops me dead in my tracks: the emotions tied to the objects.

I like flylady's various approaches to this stuff: set the timer for 15 minutes and deal with one drawer, shelf, or box. when the timer goes off, you're done for now. that works well for me, as too-big tasks will overwhelm me to the point i can't focus, and i never get anywhere.

i put a lot of pressure on myself to keep things, especially if they belonged to mom/grandma/other dead relative and i insisted on having that item. i fear backlash from dad, or my aunt(s), or even my mother herself.

kinda makes ya wanna take the kitties, burn the house down, and start from scratch, eh?

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

is this stuff too emotionally-charged to handle? does it hold too much promise of "if only..."? does it make you angry? That's the thing that stops me dead in my tracks: the emotions tied to the objects.

Usually, that's not it. More often it's the idea that I might want the thing some day, and I'm trying to be frugal. But there ARE times when, as you say, it's full of an emotion. Fortunately I'm pretty good at getting rid of the ones full of bad emotions. Gawd, the people who've been purged from my life via my souvenirs of them. This isn't many folk. It's hard to get into that category with me. But some people have succeeded. If I'm angry enough at how I was treated, boom!, out the poor memory-charged object goes.

I like flylady's various approaches to this stuff: set the timer for 15 minutes and deal with one drawer, shelf, or box. when the timer goes off, you're done for now. that works well for me, as too-big tasks will overwhelm me to the point i can't focus, and i never get anywhere.

I've done well with the short time scale, too (although I didn't get it from flylady). I suspect there are a lot of good ideas there.

i put a lot of pressure on myself to keep things, especially if they belonged to mom/grandma/other dead relative and i insisted on having that item. i fear backlash from dad, or my aunt(s), or even my mother herself.

Yeah. I suppose if you think someone else in the family would want the item, you could offer it there first. But still - it IS yours now. Don't guilt yourself too heavily. (I know, easy for ME to say from way over HERE, isn't it?)

kinda makes ya wanna take the kitties, burn the house down, and start from scratch, eh?

Did you see my "fire alarm went off" post? Oddly enough, I was thinking as I drove home that the only things I would be truly sad about losing were 1) my kitties 2) my photos. I may love other things, but losing them would be bearable.

[wordripples.livejournal.com]

Good luck! During my last purge, I started saying, "Does this thing represent the person I want to be?" If not, out it went. It was especially helpful with clothes I'd almost never worn or that reminded me of good times I'd had in them.

I turn 40 in June, so I'm trying to focus on starting life from this point and going forward, rather than hanging on to what I've lost to the past.

Once I took pictures of "reminder items" so I could keep the photos for reminders and toss the things--much less space!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Does this thing represent the person I want to be?

What a cool question! I may try that. It worked well for you?

Once I took pictures of "reminder items" so I could keep the photos for reminders and toss the things--much less space!

I've never quite done that, but I've been in shops where I've really wanted to buy an object and settled for asking permission to take a photo of it instead. I have photos of some really cool things. Maybe I wouldn't like the things half so well if I owned them.

[wordripples.livejournal.com]

Yes, that question really has worked well. It applies well to buying things too--reserving money for the best things and not settling for things that would reinforce the low self-image.

One caveat. I have this thing with clothes that has to do with being 12 years old and it being not o.k. to be me. So when I applied the question to my clothes, almost nothing stayed and I had to go out and get new stuff. But that was o.k. ;-)

[maxling.livejournal.com]

*meow yay meow*

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

*scritch, scritch*