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Mostly-fun square dance weekend. Very social-interaction-intensive context got me thinking. What do I want out of a social life? Why do I choose the friends I choose... or do I choose? Do I instead mostly let others do the choosing? Whatever I do, is it getting me what I want?
It's easy to compare myself with Rob in this context. In the square dance world, we select friends very differently. Rob likes them young, energetic, margarita-drinking, and physically attractive. I like a positive attitude, intelligence, non-flakiness, and a kind heart. Shockingly, the overlap between these two groups is not 100%. I would find it convenient if we both had many of the same friends, since these square dance conventions are so very couples-oriented, but maybe that can be overcome.
Do I want "a circle of friends"? Sure would be convenient for organizing dinners and such. The partying types tend to congregate - it's a ready-made set who already know each other. The ones I'd pick individually do not happen to form a prepackaged group.
Do I want to hang out at the bar until 2am trading shoulder rubs and suggestive jokes? I've enjoyed such gatherings; that'd be with the party people. Do I want someone who will give me some support and encouragement when I'm down? That'd be the stable, non-self-centered types. I wouldn't trust some of the party crowd with my phone number, much less my emotional state.
I want it all, but there's limited time during a 3.5-day convention. Well, unless I quit dancing ;-). I get to see a few people several times or a larger number once each. Must think more.
It's easy to compare myself with Rob in this context. In the square dance world, we select friends very differently. Rob likes them young, energetic, margarita-drinking, and physically attractive. I like a positive attitude, intelligence, non-flakiness, and a kind heart. Shockingly, the overlap between these two groups is not 100%. I would find it convenient if we both had many of the same friends, since these square dance conventions are so very couples-oriented, but maybe that can be overcome.
Do I want "a circle of friends"? Sure would be convenient for organizing dinners and such. The partying types tend to congregate - it's a ready-made set who already know each other. The ones I'd pick individually do not happen to form a prepackaged group.
Do I want to hang out at the bar until 2am trading shoulder rubs and suggestive jokes? I've enjoyed such gatherings; that'd be with the party people. Do I want someone who will give me some support and encouragement when I'm down? That'd be the stable, non-self-centered types. I wouldn't trust some of the party crowd with my phone number, much less my emotional state.
I want it all, but there's limited time during a 3.5-day convention. Well, unless I quit dancing ;-). I get to see a few people several times or a larger number once each. Must think more.
Re: Circle of friends...
Right. However, just because they might not fit a particular circle, doesn't mean they can't be a "stand-alone" friend, or part of a different circle. My mind is full of Venn diagrams now...
I wonder if every group needs its meanie, its flake its martinet, and its damsel in distress.
Um...is there anyone else there I could talk to? I hope you're wrong...but you're probably right. I don't want to think about which one I might be.
...I need to make MYSELF the environment: be the best CJ I can be...
I like this immensely.