The Sanity Report

I am in a much better mood than yesterday. Just the fact that my podiatrist might consider surgery makes me incredibly happy.

Whether or not I actually undergo surgery depends on what the MRI shows, of course, and I don't yet have an appointment for that. The imaging center is supposed to phone me to set it up. Plus there's always the possibility that I have surgery and it doesn't help. It's sensible to keep that in mind. But there's also the possibility that I have surgery and it *does* help. There's hope. For the first time in many months, there is hope.

I've almost forgotten what a good mood was like. I am just starting to imagine how good life will be if this surgery happens and works. Because of the good mood I'm also thinking of other things I could do, little stuff like get the car washed... yesterday it wasn't worth putting forth the effort for something like that. I didn't even think about things like that. So much was impossible that I wasn't seeing the stuff that was possible.

I'm not sure I knew how unhappy I was. As I said in IM this morning, that's silly in a way -- I was miserable and angry and miserable and frustrated and miserable, not to mention in pain, and I knew it. But now that there's hope, I know it was worse than I'd thought. Way worse. Scarily worse. Maybe it's a blessing that I couldn't see how bad it was when I was in the middle of it.

If I have surgery and it works, I am going to go to the mall to celebrate. (Yeah, those of you who know me, you can stop snickering now. I still hate shopping, hate crowds, and hate orbiting for parking. But if I get better I am going to walk from one end of the mall to the other end because I CAN.) I am going to get vitamins (one end) and maybe order up some new eyeglasses (other end) and buy some chocolates (middle, second floor). I am going to play with the goodies in Sharper Image (near one end) and Brookstone (near the other). All in one trip. Not because I want to or need to but in joyous celebration of the fact that I can.

Already the euphoria is fading down to a saner level, and that's good, 'cause I have a job to do. But man, this is such a potentially big deal. I might be able-bodied again. Or, heck, I might not be, but for certain rather than "maybe" and "we're not sure". Because no one would admit the problem was permanent I never truly learned to deal with not being very mobile; I've been in limbo. Whatever the MRI shows I'll be out of limbo. And if it shows what the doctor half-expects, maybe I'll run again some day.

Hope this works.

The Purple Store

(Store link courtesy soaring_phoenix)

Want. Don't want.