Shook up

[cjsmith]

A while back I mentally searched the list of women I knew, to see if I knew any who were happily married for a long time. My criteria were simple. The person had to be:

• Female
• Married
• In this relationship for TEN YEARS (I picked this because of statistics on divorce before and after the ten year mark - ten years is "pretty stable")
• Happy (not just biding her time until the kids are old enough for a divorce, not wondering what life would be like if, not trapped but grinning-and-bearing-it, not Working Through A Rough Time Right Now, but GLAD she's there)

I came up with one after a fair amount of thought. I have several other possibles. For most of these possibles I have to stretch one or more of the criteria - sometimes the length of time, and sometimes I don't know the lady in question well enough to say whether she's grinning and bearing it. But there was one DEFINITE.

So I thought of my own life, and I thought, okay, I'll try to stick it out. One out of hundreds of women I know -- hey, I can match those odds. I'm willing to work at it. She exists, so I know it's possible.

Last night I learned she's filing for divorce.

Y'know, I hate to sound like a cynic, but some days the cynical answer really does fit what I can see.

Comments

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Absolutely.

I've known a few other couples over time, too -- my host parents in Australia (about 45 years), the parents of the kids I used to babysit (on about 23 years now), the sister of one of them (about 20 years), and so on.

I know a pair of women who have been together since '65, but they aren't allowed to get married. (One told the other, in front of me, "You only stay with me because I make good biscuits." The second replied, "You only stay with me because I suck on your hoohoo." The first one giggled and blushed.)

Casey and I might never get married -- might, might not -- but if we make it ten-plus years (any votes?) I'd consider myself one of those. We aren't legally married, but then, neither are my sister and her girlfriend. ;)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I should've been more precise re "married" - I used that word as shorthand for "in a committed relationship, one that the people are hoping/intending/striving to make lifelong". I'd count me; I'd count you and Casey if you wanted to be counted. I wouldn't count, say, my friend Kim, even though she's been with her guy six years, because that isn't the kind of intent they had.

I love the exchange between the two women you mentioned. That is great. :-)

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Casey and I have never actually said, "Let's try to make it lifelong." But I don't think either of us assumes it won't be. The way we work on problems indicates to me that our relationship is worth more than either of us even realizes, and that there's really nothing that would make one of us want to leave the other short of intentionally hurting one another, and I can't see that happening.