Shook up

[cjsmith]

A while back I mentally searched the list of women I knew, to see if I knew any who were happily married for a long time. My criteria were simple. The person had to be:

• Female
• Married
• In this relationship for TEN YEARS (I picked this because of statistics on divorce before and after the ten year mark - ten years is "pretty stable")
• Happy (not just biding her time until the kids are old enough for a divorce, not wondering what life would be like if, not trapped but grinning-and-bearing-it, not Working Through A Rough Time Right Now, but GLAD she's there)

I came up with one after a fair amount of thought. I have several other possibles. For most of these possibles I have to stretch one or more of the criteria - sometimes the length of time, and sometimes I don't know the lady in question well enough to say whether she's grinning and bearing it. But there was one DEFINITE.

So I thought of my own life, and I thought, okay, I'll try to stick it out. One out of hundreds of women I know -- hey, I can match those odds. I'm willing to work at it. She exists, so I know it's possible.

Last night I learned she's filing for divorce.

Y'know, I hate to sound like a cynic, but some days the cynical answer really does fit what I can see.

Comments

[wcg.livejournal.com]

Yeah, there aren't a lot of women who fit those criteria. I think Paula (pagawne) would tell you that she does, though there are times in the past she wouldn't have. I'm pretty sure saoba fits your criteria, though she's had some poly hell in the years I've known her. Still, she and her husband are very happily connected with each other, and have been together for something like 15 years now.

My most distant LDR partner has an almost perfect marriage, and they've been married for over 10 years, so that's another case for you. (Of course she, too, has had some poly hell... I note a trend here, where if a relationship survives poly hell it seems to be stronger and more resilient in the long term. Hmmm... I wonder how general that is?)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah. The fact I don't KNOW many of these people doesn't mean they don't exist, of course. I wonder whether more people I know will fit these criteria as time goes on because

a) I'll start knowing people who are older
b) I may start deliberately choosing to know people who are happier

Worth a thought. Hmm.

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

I note a trend here, where if a relationship survives poly hell it seems to be stronger and more resilient in the long term. Hmmm... I wonder how general that is?

I think this is a pretty common occurance, whether for poly or mono relationships. "What don't kill ye, makes ye stronger!" I know that my relationship with my husband went through the fire in the mid 90's, and it's been getting steadily better ever since. The poly hell I've been through recently had nothing to do with my husband, thank goodness, because it meant he could support me through it.