My Dad

[cjsmith]

My dad was in a minor car accident yesterday - no injuries to anyone involved, but the rear of his car is a mess. So he spent this morning dealing with claim forms, body shop estimates, reports, and other paperwork. I sent back a note empathizing with the hassle and saying I was glad he wasn't hurt. I wrote something like "Car parts are easier to replace than people parts, and nothing could ever replace a Dad."

This gave me the shove I needed to write him this letter:

This reminds me. Every so often I hear stories that curdle my blood, stories from survivors of various kinds of abuse in childhood. Chillingly often, it's a father - the man who should be protecting and caring for his child - who's the main offender. But it's not only the pain of the abuse that tugs at my heart; it's the pain I hear when these now-adults say "I don't talk to my dad any more." The pain of never having had the kind of paternal love I just plain take for
granted. The loneliness of knowing they never will have that kind of love from their dads.

I tell these people I wish I could share MY Dad with them.

I just thought you'd like to know.

I'm not the world's best writer, but I think this one gets the point across. I hope he is as touched when reading it as I was when I wrote it.

Comments

[rampling.livejournal.com]

Count me among the dadless. I have "sperm donor" (that's how my sister and I often refer to him) instead of a loving dad. Yeah, it sux. I've had to learn to deal with it a long time ago. No regrets about not speaking to him now; the sobs from my sister as she recounts her last phone call with him say all I need to hear. Blech! Good riddance!

Now as an adult, I often see the other side of what dads do when they're not with their kids -- distant workaholics or loving connected dads. My former officemate, Eng, was a loving dad. It made me smile so much to hear him talk of his son and daughter, and how he cared about everything they did. Wow; I'd even get misty sometimes. But I also see the bad "dads", such as a longer-ago officemate who was a "Promise Keeper" and "Boy Scout Leader" but didn't even live in the same state as his wife and kids so he could "earn more money". And he hit and physically fought his 18-year-old son for having porn in his bedroom in their home -- a story he told me proudly! Disgusting.