My Dad

[cjsmith]

My dad was in a minor car accident yesterday - no injuries to anyone involved, but the rear of his car is a mess. So he spent this morning dealing with claim forms, body shop estimates, reports, and other paperwork. I sent back a note empathizing with the hassle and saying I was glad he wasn't hurt. I wrote something like "Car parts are easier to replace than people parts, and nothing could ever replace a Dad."

This gave me the shove I needed to write him this letter:

This reminds me. Every so often I hear stories that curdle my blood, stories from survivors of various kinds of abuse in childhood. Chillingly often, it's a father - the man who should be protecting and caring for his child - who's the main offender. But it's not only the pain of the abuse that tugs at my heart; it's the pain I hear when these now-adults say "I don't talk to my dad any more." The pain of never having had the kind of paternal love I just plain take for
granted. The loneliness of knowing they never will have that kind of love from their dads.

I tell these people I wish I could share MY Dad with them.

I just thought you'd like to know.

I'm not the world's best writer, but I think this one gets the point across. I hope he is as touched when reading it as I was when I wrote it.

Comments

[joedecker.livejournal.com]

*quiet sniff*

That was a nice letter, CJ.

[firecat]

Yay for reminding our parents that we love them.

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

That's wonderful.

[bklyngirl.livejournal.com]

Wow - that brought tears to my eyes, CJ! It's really wonderful that, not only do you have such a wonderful Dad, but that you thought to let him know. As a parent, I can't tell you how much it means to hear from your kid that you're doing/did something right.

I'm sure he feels just as lucky to have you for a daughter!

[lesliepear.livejournal.com]

That's so nice. Your dad must be very special.

[rampling.livejournal.com]

Count me among the dadless. I have "sperm donor" (that's how my sister and I often refer to him) instead of a loving dad. Yeah, it sux. I've had to learn to deal with it a long time ago. No regrets about not speaking to him now; the sobs from my sister as she recounts her last phone call with him say all I need to hear. Blech! Good riddance!

Now as an adult, I often see the other side of what dads do when they're not with their kids -- distant workaholics or loving connected dads. My former officemate, Eng, was a loving dad. It made me smile so much to hear him talk of his son and daughter, and how he cared about everything they did. Wow; I'd even get misty sometimes. But I also see the bad "dads", such as a longer-ago officemate who was a "Promise Keeper" and "Boy Scout Leader" but didn't even live in the same state as his wife and kids so he could "earn more money". And he hit and physically fought his 18-year-old son for having porn in his bedroom in their home -- a story he told me proudly! Disgusting.

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

That was a wonderful letter, and good for both of you, you for sending it, your dad for deserving it.

I don't have that kind of father. But I intend to grow into that kind of mother if I at all can.

A.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I'm glad for your father than he has you.

[dpaul007.livejournal.com]

I'm glad we share the same type of dad-experience.

My dad is still the greatest human walking the face of the planet. He is my role model, my best friend, my teacher and my counselor.

Of course, the universe loves both balance and irony, so that's why my mother is still alive.

[hopeforyou.livejournal.com]

Why can't we share your dad? I think we should have an honourary fondue party with him as the guest of honor. Then we'll all get to meet him and see why your relationship is what it is.

Well, I think having an honourary fondue party for its own sake is good, too...

[gypsyjack.livejournal.com]

I hope that my kids think I'm a good dad (I think they do anyway:) My two oldest daughters haven't seen their bio-dad in 20+ years, and when I decided I wanted to adopt them, I asked if that would be ok with them (they said yes:)

My dad's been gone now, for 21 years, and I still miss him (and all the things I *should* have told him before he went;-(

Cherish the time you still have

(oh, and Hi!:) *some*day when we all have time, I'd like to take you up on that airplane ride:)

dad, sharing:)

[gypsyjack.livejournal.com]

In response to Hopes question, dad sharing *is* alive and well, no reason why CJ could share her's (if she and he are up for it:)

We just had dinner with a friend of our daughters, who was renting a room from us for a short while. She now calls *us* mom and dad:):) (and we're proud that she feels that way, she's a great "kid"

[tsjafo.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Dads get a lot of bad press sometimes. You hear every dirty detail of the unworthy. The good ones quietly carry on for no reward other than the love of their children. Its nice to see Dads are appreciated.

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

Thanks alot. Now I'm getting all weepy here in the library. ;)

Good for you for writing that letter, girl. I'm glad your dad is ok, didn't get hurt in the car wreck. And I'm very glad there are folks out there with dads who love them and whom they love. :)