Rob

[cjsmith]

Rob comes home today, after two and a half weeks touring the country, square dancing, and hobnobbing with various businesspeople and VCs and cute young things. His route home from Boston was pretty direct -- few meetings, lots of flying. I bet he'll be glad to be out of that airplane for a little while.

He is always happiest when he is on vacation alone. Wish I could feel a little better about that.

Comments

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I think it's a guy/gal thing. If when all is said and done this r'ship doesn't work out, I'm not going to try for anything lifelong with a guy again. Not worth it. I want my partner to give a shit.

Re:

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

You might find a guy that gives a shit ... And, on the other hand, imagine someone crying every time you leave town for a day or two!!! Talk about yer guilt ... (that's what I do to R. everytime he leaves ... I'm happy for him to get away (especially after several weeks with him off work ...), and sincerely think it's good for him, am happy for him, etc. But when he gets ready to walk out that door, I cry. Can't help it.)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

You might find a guy that gives a shit ...

You're right, I have WAY too small a sample set to generalize. :-) Besides, I was saying that mostly because I was grumpy...

And, on the other hand, imagine someone crying every time you leave town for a day or two!!!

I don't tend to leave town by myself, so this wouldn't be a problem for me :-), but I do see your point. *hugs* dear. I know Rondo's traveling isn't easy on you.

Re:

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

You're right, I have WAY too small a sample set to generalize. :-) Besides, I was saying that mostly because I was grumpy...

{grin} you have every right to be grumpy, dear!! Actually, I only said that because I *know* a couple who are gender-reversed this way. She's always off travelling, and he sits at home and absolutely PINES for her -- can't do anything while she's gone. It's so cute. :) Of course, I already dubbed him an honorary chick years ago -- it's not surprising he goes against gender 'norms' in this way too.

[tytso.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's necessarily a guy/girl thing. I've cared about someone I was in a relationship a lot more than they care about me. I don't think the imbalance alone would have been enough to have doomed the relationship --- looking back on it now, it was also a lot more about me not being emotionally immature about the whole thing --- but it certainly didn't help.

I've also seen life-long couples (or at least, very long-term couples --- they haven't died yet :-) who seem to equally care for each other very deeply, as well as some long-term couples where they both led fairly independent lives, in spite of sharing a house and (presumably) a bed.

My personal theory is that a certain amount of imbalance is inevitable, since people are so different, and changing from time to time. But if the "give a shit"/emotional dependence/need for the other is too unbalanced, it puts the relationship under a pretty huge amount of strain... Being the person who has been the person who cared much more about the relationship, I can guess what it might be like for you; it's not a pleasant place to be.

**Hugs**

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's necessarily a guy/girl thing.

You're right -- as I told Lisa, just above, that was an amazingly weak generalization. I said it 'cause I was grumpy. :-)

I've cared about someone I was in a relationship a lot more than they care about me.

That kind of imbalance is really really tough. *Hugs* to you for having gone through that.

I've also seen life-long couples (or at least, very long-term couples --- they haven't died yet :-) who seem to equally care for each other very deeply,

If you've followed my LJ for a while you probably have seen my references to compiling a list of such people. So far it is very very short.

Um, the rest of this topic got long and tangential and I am going to make it into a separate LJ post. I will try to make it humorous. :-)

My personal theory is that a certain amount of imbalance is inevitable, since people are so different, and changing from time to time. But if the "give a shit"/emotional dependence/need for the other is too unbalanced, it puts the relationship under a pretty huge amount of strain...

Agree with you wholeheartedly on both points.

Thanks for the hugs.