![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
[LJ-CUT TEXT="dietary restriction"]
Within line of sight, there's some white rice, two bags of hamburger buns, honey-glazed peanuts, sugar cookies, oatmeal cookies, brownies, milk, tortilla chips, some sugar frosting, potato chips, a tin of chocolates, whipped cream, and (until it went in the fridge a moment ago) a pumpkin pie. I also know where the rum balls went. I don't have to lean over to see any of this (except the pie and the rum balls); I have only to swivel my head.
It is easier to decline this stuff after seven or eight months of not eating it. I'm aware of a sharp disconnect with my family and with my culture, but I can indeed sit here and be just fine drinking my water and not eating any of those things. I'm a little surprised at this. I thought the holidays would be torture. They're really not, so far.
I don't even have so strong a reason to stick to the rules any more. Supposedly, the antifungal drug is doing its job. Supposedly, as long as I feel fine I can try things out -- "cheat" in various ways, if you will -- and see what happens, expanding the ruleset as I go. I could eat a cookie. Not many, safely, but I could eat one and I would be fine.
Somehow, though, I don't need to eat them. I know what all these things taste like. I look at the eclairs (yeah, those too; those were here a while ago) and call up a memory of eating one. I look at the sugar cookies and remember their taste. I review the flavor with today's brain, and it seems mildly positive but nowhere near imperative. Instead of just putting the cookie in my mouth, I can decide, and so far I'm contented to decide no.
It's weird. It's very different from the me of a year ago.
If the concept of carb addiction has any merit, I suspect I was addicted and am prone to it. (Naturally, looking around me, I'm pretty sure a lot of people also are. If the idea has any merit in the first place.) As soon as I'm off these meds, I'll likely slide back into my old patterns, seeing refined carbs and automatically putting them in my mouth.
For now, I am enjoying planning my "cheats". I think if we have a Chinese dinner, as is our family holiday tradition, I'll eat a bit of scallion pancake. I'll have a couple bites of that pumpkin pie (mmmmmmm ginger and cinnamon!), and since I've never had one of those rum balls I'll try one of those. That's a pretty good set for the week. They're all things I will actively enjoy, and I know they're small enough to be within my health limits.[/LJ-CUT]
For meals, three wedges of frittata are ready for my future breakfast needs, and palak paneer is warming up in the microwave. Chili is coming soon. I'm aallllll set. :-)
Within line of sight, there's some white rice, two bags of hamburger buns, honey-glazed peanuts, sugar cookies, oatmeal cookies, brownies, milk, tortilla chips, some sugar frosting, potato chips, a tin of chocolates, whipped cream, and (until it went in the fridge a moment ago) a pumpkin pie. I also know where the rum balls went. I don't have to lean over to see any of this (except the pie and the rum balls); I have only to swivel my head.
It is easier to decline this stuff after seven or eight months of not eating it. I'm aware of a sharp disconnect with my family and with my culture, but I can indeed sit here and be just fine drinking my water and not eating any of those things. I'm a little surprised at this. I thought the holidays would be torture. They're really not, so far.
I don't even have so strong a reason to stick to the rules any more. Supposedly, the antifungal drug is doing its job. Supposedly, as long as I feel fine I can try things out -- "cheat" in various ways, if you will -- and see what happens, expanding the ruleset as I go. I could eat a cookie. Not many, safely, but I could eat one and I would be fine.
Somehow, though, I don't need to eat them. I know what all these things taste like. I look at the eclairs (yeah, those too; those were here a while ago) and call up a memory of eating one. I look at the sugar cookies and remember their taste. I review the flavor with today's brain, and it seems mildly positive but nowhere near imperative. Instead of just putting the cookie in my mouth, I can decide, and so far I'm contented to decide no.
It's weird. It's very different from the me of a year ago.
If the concept of carb addiction has any merit, I suspect I was addicted and am prone to it. (Naturally, looking around me, I'm pretty sure a lot of people also are. If the idea has any merit in the first place.) As soon as I'm off these meds, I'll likely slide back into my old patterns, seeing refined carbs and automatically putting them in my mouth.
For now, I am enjoying planning my "cheats". I think if we have a Chinese dinner, as is our family holiday tradition, I'll eat a bit of scallion pancake. I'll have a couple bites of that pumpkin pie (mmmmmmm ginger and cinnamon!), and since I've never had one of those rum balls I'll try one of those. That's a pretty good set for the week. They're all things I will actively enjoy, and I know they're small enough to be within my health limits.[/LJ-CUT]
For meals, three wedges of frittata are ready for my future breakfast needs, and palak paneer is warming up in the microwave. Chili is coming soon. I'm aallllll set. :-)
no subject