Work, pills, and love

[cjsmith]

Swamped. More "midterms" in a week or two, depending on the class.

Might get a one- or two-day consulting gig in the computer world. That would feed me for several weeks.

Doxycycline is annoying in entirely new ways. (Still on clarithromycin too of course.) D. causes nausea. Lovely.

Last week after bio lab I walked out and gave glorious thanks to a God I don't particularly even believe in for the fact I'm not nineteen any more. Got to chatting with two young ladies, you see, both bright, both good-looking, and both in relationships that have the beginnings of red flags of abuse. Neither wants to break up with her beau. That might hurt him, you see. But both feel trapped, and they cringe at the thought of marriage and a family. Gee, I wonder why! They also don't want to be alone: each of them is isolated to the point that the boyfriend is nearly the only element of her social life. The sad thing about all this is that I know I did that too. I'm really glad I went through the years after that and grew up a bit.

Also, Rob: Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being who you are.

OK, I'm late. Off to class.

Comments

[oddhack.livejournal.com]

Does it really get better with age? The latest two people I've known in this situation were in their 40s and 50s, respectively :-(

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

By numbers, yes, it does. It's stunningly awful how many folks in their teens will put up with way more than too much.

But you're right: age isn't a guaranteed cure.

[abqdan.livejournal.com]

Having worked with abused women in the past, I can tell you they exist at all ages and in all classes. Surprisingly, an abused woman will return to her abuser an average of 14 times before finally breaking free - or being murdered.

I was always aghast at the rationalizations people made when telling me that a gun had been held to their head, they'd been beaten to a pulp, or driven around for hours locked in the trunk of their car.

And abuse isn't completely limited to men abusing women. Women can and do abuse men - though seemingly in much smaller numbers. And it is VERY under-reported, even more so than men abusing women.

Isolation is the first tool of an abuser. Remove friends and family, control the economic situation; obtain complete control.

So - I hope you can give those girls some insight into those red flags you noticed; it might just save their lives.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yes indeed -- I didn't mean to imply no one older than nineteen would be in such a situation. But I believe that fewer will. I know I would no longer be willing to stay in a minorly-icky-but-with-warning-signs kind of situation. Nineteen is awful, and an abusive situation is easier to set up when someone already has almost no self-confidence.

As for the genders, I happened to be talking to two women, is all. I get very sad when I think how under-reported abuse of men is (and, really, all domestic abuse). There are way too many people out there living in hell on earth.

I sure hope our conversation helped them a little bit. I worry... but on the other hand, I know I somehow grew out of my willingness to put up with some of that, so fingers crossed that they will too.

[mbumby.livejournal.com]

Doxycycline, huh. I think it was Tetracycline (are they sisters?) that made brushing my teeth a puking offense.

Good fortune to the girls. May they grow out of this.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Given the name, it sounds like they are closely related. This one sure is annoying.

I wish the two of them well, too. I know how little self-confidence I had at that point in my life. I'm almost a little surprised I didn't fall victim to a cult or to someone more warped than the average self-centered teenage guy. I'd've been the perfect target. Odd how that's no longer so. I can't point to a day when it changed.