Ambien: A Play in Two Scenes

[cjsmith]

Scene 1. A suburban home. Evening.

ME: I just took Ambien. Don't trust anything I say or do after this.
ROB: Okay.
MY BRAIN: Status good. All systems norm - OHHHH THE COLORRRRRS.
ROB: Huh?
MY BODY: Bathroom NOW. *stumble stumble*
MY BRAIN: Vision off line. Systems shutting down. Tactile reliability 50% and falling.
MY BODY: *efficiently rejects most recent input*
ROB: Uh oh.
LAST VESTIGE OF BRAIN: The flush handle is probably cold and hard. Find that.
BRAIN: *gone*
MY BODY: *collapse*

...

ME: Why am I lying on the bathroom floor in a cheery beam of sunshine?
MY WATCH: La-laaaa! Good morning! It's 8AM! La-la!
MY LIMBS: *twitch* *flail* About TIME! *convulse* Could we have some CIRCULATION here?


Scene 2. The same suburban home, the same night, from Rob's point of view.

ME: I just took Ambien.
ROB: Oh shit. Hide the car keys.
ME: Whoooooooa colorrrrrs.
ROB: Car keys HIDDEN. Laptop SHUT DOWN. Front door DEADBOLTED. House alarm on INSTANT TRIGGER.
ME: *total silence*
ROB: Glass of water set on bathroom sink. Note about car keys written and placed near purse.
ME: *total silence*
ROB: *hides in bedroom*
ME: *total silence*
ROB: Was that a noise?
ME: *total silence*
ROB: Is she getting up?
ME: *total silence*
ROB: Can I keep her from getting to the knives in the kitchen?
ME: *total silence*
ROB: I'm sure I heard a noise.
ME: *total silence*
ROB: Gad, what time is it any--- HOLY SHIT HERE SHE IS AAAAAAGH.
ME [whispering]: I'm putting my blanket and pillow back on the bed.
ROB: Go way I'm sleeping.
ME [perky]: Okiebye!

I have found a drug that takes insomnia away from one spouse and gives it to the other.

Comments

[rfrench.livejournal.com]

I don't mind comatose - I just mind Night of the Living Dead. Zombieeees!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Sleep last night sucked, so be warned, I'm going to try a half dose tonight. :-(

[rfrench.livejournal.com]

I have the pepper spray ready!