Ambien: A Play in Two Scenes

[cjsmith]

Scene 1. A suburban home. Evening.

ME: I just took Ambien. Don't trust anything I say or do after this.
ROB: Okay.
MY BRAIN: Status good. All systems norm - OHHHH THE COLORRRRRS.
ROB: Huh?
MY BODY: Bathroom NOW. *stumble stumble*
MY BRAIN: Vision off line. Systems shutting down. Tactile reliability 50% and falling.
MY BODY: *efficiently rejects most recent input*
ROB: Uh oh.
LAST VESTIGE OF BRAIN: The flush handle is probably cold and hard. Find that.
BRAIN: *gone*
MY BODY: *collapse*

...

ME: Why am I lying on the bathroom floor in a cheery beam of sunshine?
MY WATCH: La-laaaa! Good morning! It's 8AM! La-la!
MY LIMBS: *twitch* *flail* About TIME! *convulse* Could we have some CIRCULATION here?


Scene 2. The same suburban home, the same night, from Rob's point of view.

ME: I just took Ambien.
ROB: Oh shit. Hide the car keys.
ME: Whoooooooa colorrrrrs.
ROB: Car keys HIDDEN. Laptop SHUT DOWN. Front door DEADBOLTED. House alarm on INSTANT TRIGGER.
ME: *total silence*
ROB: Glass of water set on bathroom sink. Note about car keys written and placed near purse.
ME: *total silence*
ROB: *hides in bedroom*
ME: *total silence*
ROB: Was that a noise?
ME: *total silence*
ROB: Is she getting up?
ME: *total silence*
ROB: Can I keep her from getting to the knives in the kitchen?
ME: *total silence*
ROB: I'm sure I heard a noise.
ME: *total silence*
ROB: Gad, what time is it any--- HOLY SHIT HERE SHE IS AAAAAAGH.
ME [whispering]: I'm putting my blanket and pillow back on the bed.
ROB: Go way I'm sleeping.
ME [perky]: Okiebye!

I have found a drug that takes insomnia away from one spouse and gives it to the other.

Comments

[lizzie-omalley.livejournal.com]

I have never tried Ambien but I do frequently take half the recomended dose of things because I tend to be rather sensitive to drugs. I weigh in at about 115 or so. There was a point in time when I was on hard core sinus meds for chronic sinus infections. That was a combination of a decongetant and an antihistimine. I was amped up from the decongestant and depressed from the antihistimine. I found that for them, I needed 1/4 the recomended dose.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

There are so incredibly many factors in dosage and drug response it's amazing anything works right. Some things, people with more body fat should take LESS of, because they dissolve in fatty tissue (& then hit the bloodstream) more readily. Some things depend on whether you happen to have the efficient or the inefficient vitamin C pathway, or any of a hundred other tweaks. But every so often I hit one like this and my first thought is "oh shit, we forgot I'm not very large". Compared to the average adult human -- especially when you consider both men and women in the mix -- you and I are definitely on the small end!