Ambien: A Play in Two Scenes

[cjsmith]

Scene 1. A suburban home. Evening.

ME: I just took Ambien. Don't trust anything I say or do after this.
ROB: Okay.
MY BRAIN: Status good. All systems norm - OHHHH THE COLORRRRRS.
ROB: Huh?
MY BODY: Bathroom NOW. *stumble stumble*
MY BRAIN: Vision off line. Systems shutting down. Tactile reliability 50% and falling.
MY BODY: *efficiently rejects most recent input*
ROB: Uh oh.
LAST VESTIGE OF BRAIN: The flush handle is probably cold and hard. Find that.
BRAIN: *gone*
MY BODY: *collapse*

...

ME: Why am I lying on the bathroom floor in a cheery beam of sunshine?
MY WATCH: La-laaaa! Good morning! It's 8AM! La-la!
MY LIMBS: *twitch* *flail* About TIME! *convulse* Could we have some CIRCULATION here?


Scene 2. The same suburban home, the same night, from Rob's point of view.

ME: I just took Ambien.
ROB: Oh shit. Hide the car keys.
ME: Whoooooooa colorrrrrs.
ROB: Car keys HIDDEN. Laptop SHUT DOWN. Front door DEADBOLTED. House alarm on INSTANT TRIGGER.
ME: *total silence*
ROB: Glass of water set on bathroom sink. Note about car keys written and placed near purse.
ME: *total silence*
ROB: *hides in bedroom*
ME: *total silence*
ROB: Was that a noise?
ME: *total silence*
ROB: Is she getting up?
ME: *total silence*
ROB: Can I keep her from getting to the knives in the kitchen?
ME: *total silence*
ROB: I'm sure I heard a noise.
ME: *total silence*
ROB: Gad, what time is it any--- HOLY SHIT HERE SHE IS AAAAAAGH.
ME [whispering]: I'm putting my blanket and pillow back on the bed.
ROB: Go way I'm sleeping.
ME [perky]: Okiebye!

I have found a drug that takes insomnia away from one spouse and gives it to the other.

Comments

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

Perhaps you should look into Lunestra. I understand people who have... side effects with Ambien can sometimes use Lunestra successfully.

Um... wow.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

For the next ten days, this is what I've got. I am considering taking a half a pill tonight -- or maybe going entirely without, and if that's unbearable, trying a half a pill tomorrow night. I suspect half a pill is enough to let me sleep well. After all, I threw up most of last night's dose and still wound up unconscious on a linoleum floor for a good eight hours.

[psi-star-psi.livejournal.com]

"There's a time and a place for everything- and it's called college!"
- South Park (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0121955/quotes)

Oh, right. Carry on.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I can't use that excuse! ...er, maybe I can. Right-o.

[ashiegrrrl.livejournal.com]

Yes, being one of those people, Lunesta worked well for me.