Yikes

[cjsmith]

I have recently faced the idea that there may be people I have met and liked who honestly believe that attacking the innocent and the powerless, especially girls or young women, is a good way to get things done.

I do not know if I am misunderstanding the person in question. It seems likely. I could be taking things too literally, a common failing of mine.* I could be misunderstanding in some other way. But even supposing this one is a misunderstanding, I've now faced the idea, and it's not at all pleasant.

Maybe I was in the Army too long. (I honestly believe the vast majority of US soldiers hold this value as strongly as I do.) You don't DO shit like that. You don't even THINK about THREATENING to do shit like that.

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* If I'm starting to get ticked off, it could be nothing more serious than my belief that what you say is what you mean. A useful tactic might be to remind both of us of this pattern. Humans are neither robots nor computers, and I forget that too often.

Comments

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

You terrible human being! ;-)

Thanks. I *think* it's all about me believing that what is said is what is meant. That's what I'm going to try to presume, anyway, if I get no further information.

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

That's more difficult than it should be, unfortunately. On the one hand, the best gauge you could possibly use to understand a person is themselves, the things they say and do. So it should be pretty obvious that people mean what they say.

On the other hand, we tend to say stupid things at times or at least I know I do. And I'd like to think that friends would give me the benefit of the doubt and judge me on all they know over time more so than a particular thing I said or did.

So sometimes it becomes a balancing act of giving someone the benefit of the doubt over and over again until you just can't anymore and your opinion of them changes. And that can be a rather unpleasant situation on many levels. :(

Wow, what a depressing topic even if I am understanding your situation correctly, and there is probably a good possibility I am not. In which case, I am just babbling on and depressing myself. :)

We should talk about more fun topics. What would you do to punish me for being a terrible human being? ;)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It is indeed difficult. If I cannot believe a person's words or actions, I'm left with not a whole lot. So I do put a lot of stake in what someone says and does. The only thing I can do, really, is gather more of this kind of data, and build a fuzzy-logic sort of picture over time. "One out of two times, he kicked the cat. One out of a hundred... one out of a thousand... okay, maybe that other one was a mistake."

Gee, I don't know: are you into punishments? ;-)

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think that's all anyone can do. We (well, really , *I* brought it up) throw around the phrase "benefit of the doubt" but to me that's really something you earn rather than are given. If a random acquaintance at work says something objectionable, that's probably the end of things right there. No matter how off the wall it might seen, it's the only evidence I have and it points in a bad direction.

For someone I've known longer, as you say, I find it easier to chalk things up to a bad day or (more likely) an unfortunate attempt at a joke.

Gee, I don't know: are you into punishments? ;-)

As a general rule, no. :) I am, however, 1) in a very strange mood, 2) not particularly feeling like working, and 3) not very good at casual flirtation. :) So I took the opportunity that presented itself.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, "benefit of the doubt" is worth something only if there's "doubt". One data point out of a set of one may not be the whole picture, but it's the whole picture I have, so I'd have to make an effort to generate doubt. There are people I'm willing to do that for and people I'm not. :-)

As a general rule, no. :)

Ah; that makes a difference to the approach, of course. Shall you be sentenced to eat a minimum of two chocolate chip cookies today? ;-)

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

One data point out of a set of one may not be the whole picture, but it's the whole picture I have...

I knew once we hammered this down to a mathematical discussion, it would be much easier to figure out. :)

Well, you know, I'm all about expanding my horizons. What would you suggest if you thought I would enjoy the punishment aspect? ;)




Wow, how sad is this? I knew my cookie willpower was almost nonexistant, to be sure. But I actually sat here and seriously debated accepting two completely imaginary cookies in lieu of flirting further. I am a sick, sick man!