Illusions

[cjsmith]

Me: My feet hurt.
Somebody Else: It might go away. Any day now it could vanish just the way it came.

That still makes me angry, but y'know what? I can also see the flip side to it, a little bit.

Yes, it would still be mindbogglingly stupid for me to plan my life around the hope that my feet will suddenly heal. Therein lies a recipe for putting myself "on hold" until my grave, waiting until I win the (medical) lottery instead of living now.

Yes, it's still mindbogglingly insensitive of Somebody Else to pretend that this is a temporary problem and thus hugely, quantitatively and qualitatively, easier to deal with than what I am actually facing.

Yes, I still feel like I'm not heard.

Yes, I still feel like I'm being called a liar, and yes, I still hate being called a liar.

But y'know what? Somebody Else might really kinda need their illusions. Denial can be a gift. I can choose to give the gift of not trying to burst their bubble.

The day will come when I'm sufficiently less angry that I can give that gift.

Comments

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

Somebody Else: It might go away. Any day now it could vanish just the way it came.

Oy. Yeah, I understand being angry at that. My first reaction upon reading it was to wonder if this person was aware of your history of dealing with it or just learning of it.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oh, "aware" but clueless, if that makes sense. None so blind as will not see.

I'm a little bit less angry when I realize what might motivate it.

[dcart.livejournal.com]

Without any other context, I was thinking maybe it's a hamfisted, but sincere attempt at trying to offer you some hope. Admittedly, a really clueless way of doing it. But I don't know the person or what they know of you and your history.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, people new to the concept do that too, and oddly enough, I kinda sorta appreciate the gesture (counterfactual though it is). Weird, huh? :-)