Frustration

[cjsmith]

Do you ever hear someone pontificating -- preaching -- about something that's fairly new to him and old hat to you? Under what circumstances does it or does it not bug you?

I find I can mostly shrug it off when it's about some kind of technical subject. If I know the speaker is a total fool or severely misinformed, then that's just the way it is, with no need for irritation. But I find I can't shrug it off when it's about living with foot pain or staying fit with a disability. Usually the preacher is not permanently disabled, just temporarily injured in some way, and my GOD the things they think are Big News to someone who's dealt with this for years. Sometimes I think the speaker is trying to be helpful; other times it's pretty clear the speaker is trying to chide me for how I handle things. In the latter case I just want to SLAP the person. My kinder side hopes karma doesn't work, because the appropriate end story to that one is a permanent disability with chronic pain.

Clearly my buttons are getting pushed. I wonder when my foot problems will be so firmly an accepted part of me that I don't even have buttons to push any more. In the meantime, I hope I can mostly avoid that kind of person. I don't want to turn rude and bitter.

Comments

rude and bitter

[moriamerri.livejournal.com]

Oh CJ, you are SO much a kinder person than me. I wish you
could give me lessons, or maybe some sorta elixer or something
to make me that kind. Really, I think it is a great quality
that you still want to avoid becoming rude and/or bitter.
Me -- I do for sure want to slap people
at times -- but I can't tell ya WHICH times -- because sometimes
I'm a whole lot less bugged than others. I think it has more
to do with my overall sense of peace at the time than the topic
(although the topic matters somewhat too -- but occassionally
I'll just have a great light jokey response to something that
would usually get me all cranky, so it is not all "topic" with me).

As an example of crankiness that is pretty normal for me:
I get bugged by the "standard questions" for various things.
Such as "where do you get your protein?" and "what about
calcium?" (those are the top 2 questions in popularity -- I bet
you know the "category" -- but in case you don't, those are
under "questions you get asked if you are a vegetarian".)
When I had a broken foot I got irked with "did you get that
(injury) skiing?" and questions about the presumed pain in
the hurt foot (which did not hurt -- but much of the REST of
my body did). I have a general theory that there are "standard
questions" and "standard comments" for many situations.

Sometimes I manage good and non-bitchy answers, but often I do
not. I've met a couple other people who find the repeat
and "standard" questions and viewpoints really tiresome.
I do hope I'll someday outgrow my irritation. I try.
I try to give each person some sort of real response.
Often I let people know that they have just asked me a
"standard question". I do this to try to help them understand
if I seem a bit cranky, or just sound strained about the issue.
Usually people are just "trying to relate" -- trying to find
something to say about [whatever]. And sometimes it works out
just great. Usually they get they idea that this is not a Novel
Topic for me, that I know Way more about it than they want to
deal with, and we move on. The ones who are genuinely
interested in the subject stand out like crazy tho at this
point (that is the rare case) -- and we can go on and have an
interesting chat.

As for the Big News people, I would personally try to refrain
from slapping, but I would maybe work on something to say
along the lines of "oh, really? Well, I've had this (condition
or situation or foot thing or whatever) for x years/months
and I have known about x thing you are talking about for x
years." That probably qualifies as "rude" though? (does it?)
So, um, on a really good day I could add "thanks for letting
me know, but it is not news to me". (Does that count as rude?)
Now, some days I'd be more apt to say "I'm smarter than I look"
or "I've heard of that". More rude.

There was a radio program I listened to in the last couple of
days (I think it was Michael Krazny?) where the guest was a
guy who has been in a wheelchair for a good long while -- there
was a lot of discussion of how people treat disabled folks
poorly and that it is often unintentional and how hard it is to
respond in any useful way and the on-going issue this is for
people with various kinds of conditions. The word "condescending"
came up a lot in the discussion.

Oh, and MY comments here are also an example of "people talk about
themselves". Very true, and here I'm doing it. Having had
a bandaged-up finger (for weeks) and a broken foot, I was
AMAZED at how almost everyone has a finger or foot story.
And, yep, got tired of hearing them..... (although for me that
is probably better than the "did you hurt it skiing" thing).

Moria