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Expanding on a comment elsewhere:
I totally suck at asking people to stop doing annoying little stuff. I get annoyed, so I lose all ability to think up a tactful way to ask, and then I just shut up and stay annoyed.
This is particularly true if the annoying thing is something I was taught, as a child, not to do because it could be really annoying. Whistling is in that category. I was about 25 before I realized there were people who hadn't been told about whistling. I thought it was like BO: if you've got that particular problem, you FIX IT.
Ah, life. :-)
I totally suck at asking people to stop doing annoying little stuff. I get annoyed, so I lose all ability to think up a tactful way to ask, and then I just shut up and stay annoyed.
This is particularly true if the annoying thing is something I was taught, as a child, not to do because it could be really annoying. Whistling is in that category. I was about 25 before I realized there were people who hadn't been told about whistling. I thought it was like BO: if you've got that particular problem, you FIX IT.
Ah, life. :-)
Re: Aaaaauuuuggghhh!!!
And I love that icon! Go look at this post (http://sunnydale47.livejournal.com/919177.html) that I wrote earlier today, and you'll see why it's so perfect for commenting to me about this today!
I would definitely change offices if it were a dentist. I did, many times -- I'm a very severe dentaphobe. But with an orthodontist, you're stuck. I imagine there's a way to change orthodontists if you have to move or something -- but you sign a contract to pay for the whole procedure, it's not pay as you go like it is with regular dental work. I don't know if another ortho would even accept me without a good reason. Now I'm almost done, so I'm just hanging in with this one.
But please, please, eveningscribe, go to a dentist! Do not do what I did ... which is not go to the dentist for years at a time because I couldn't bring myself to go. Then I'd get a toothache and have to go, and I'd have some work done, and then I wouldn't go again for years until I was forced to by another toothache.
The result is that by the time I was in my 50s (I'm 59 now) I had root canals in more than half of my teeth, I had lost a couple, others were crumbling, my pillowcases were full of blood from my gums every night, and I realized if I didn't want to end up with full dentures -- which never fit right -- I'd better do something fast.
I managed to find a dental practice where everyone from the staff to the dentists to the specialists is friendly and caring. The staff makes a big difference. I don't have to sign in when I come in -- the receptionist looks up and says "Hi, Ms. ____". Being recognized makes me feel less nervous because I'm not a stranger. It gives me a feeling of belonging, even slight superiority -- I don't have to sign in, while everybody else does. And that gives a bit of positive feeling. The back office staff is just as nice -- which is important because I'm usually pretty shaky by the time I'm done and I go in to pay. They also greet me by name, and if it takes me longer because my hands are trembling, they assure me it's no problem and tell me to take all the time I need.
Most important, my general dentist and periodontist are very patient and gentle. When dentists get ready to drill or do whatever, they have always been too impatient to give me just 15 or 20 seconds to prepare myself -- close my eyes, start deep breathing, and concentrate on staying calm. These guys wait for me to get ready, and it makes a huge difference.
They explain everything to me even if I have to ask three times because I'm too nervous to retain anything. They warn me before they do anything so I know what to expect. And my general dentist tells really bad corny jokes that make me laugh in spite of myself. (The other day he said "What kind of shoes do you make from banana peels?" This time because I was only there for a cleaning -- which I'm used to by now and can even do without premedication with Valium -- I was alert enough to answer. "Slippers!" I said. "Aw, you're too smart for me," he said with a big grin.
(Continued in next comment)
Re: Aaaaauuuuggghhh!!!
The treatment I've had so far has cost about $12,000 since I started about 4 or 5 years ago, and it'll probably be close to $20,000 by the time I'm done. There is soooo much I'd rather spend my money on! Not to mention the many, many hours in the chair. And even then I'll still be on thin ice as far as keeping my teeth. I'm 59 now, and I'll have to go for cleanings every three months (not six) for the rest of my life.
But look -- I got through it! Dental work, major gum surgery, orthodonture, extraction. It gets easier as you get used to it -- I promise. It's de facto exposure therapy (http://panicdisorder.about.com/od/exposuretherapy/Exposure_Therapy.htm).
And there are coping strategies that help a huge amount. I take Valium an hour before the appointment time. I get someone to go with me for more traumatic procedures like fillings and surgery -- not having to drive means you can be more relaxed.
One of the best coping strategies is to bring an mp3 player with music I've heard in concert, so during the visit I can not only hear the music, I close my eyes and I can see the musicians playing and singing it -- I mentally leave the office and go to the concert. It works so well that I usually don't hear them when they say "turn this way" or something. They usually have to tap me on the shoulder to get my attention, because I'm not there. During drilling I turn the music way up and concentrate hard on the sound and visualizing, and I don't hear the drill.
At your age your teeth will seem fine for years without attention. But once they do start falling apart, it takes a lot more courage to face the extensive and expensive work you'll need to save them. And it's not just the teeth -- gum disease causes major bone loss, and it will never grow back. The jawbone actually erodes. That's why I need so much orthodonture -- because my teeth got all cockeyed because there wasn't enough bone left to hold them in place properly.
And if you decide to just have them pulled instead, dentures have a host of problems of their own. They're expensive, painful, and there are a whole lot of things you can never eat again.
Please don't take this the wrong way, eveningscribe! I'm not telling horror stories to frighten you. It's hard just to write about this, but I'm telling you all this because I care, and I want to help you before it's too late.
When I was your age my teeth seemed fine except for the occasional toothache. And once I mananaged to get that fixed I was very cavalier about not needing to go to the dentist. I didn't need professional cleanings, I brushed my teeth well!
But now I am the poster child for good dental care! I wish someone had told me all this when I was your age -- not just someone shaking their finger and saying "You'll be sorry!", but another dentaphobe who had learned the hard way. I might have listened to someone like that.
I hope you'll listen, eveningscribe. If you want to talk about it, please feel free to email me at my LJ address, or reply here -- I'm pretty sure CJ won't mind. (She's heard all my stories of my dental travail.)
If you don't want to talk about it that's fine too. Believe me, I understand!!
Just please know that I would like to help. You're welcome to drop by my journal if you like. (Most of the dental entries are friendslocked, so don't worry about stumbling across one. But if you do want to read them to understand more about what happened to someone who didn't go to the dentist for years at a time, let me know and I'll add you to my friends list.)
It's 2:15 am by now and I'm way too tired to proofread this, so please excuse any typos or weird editing errors! It's hard to write about all this, and I'm sure it's hard for you to read, so I hope you've taken it in the spirit that it's meant.