Would you like some cheese with that problem?

[cjsmith]

A chilled bottle of white wine is on the counter. A corkscrew is in the cork, and the cork has been removed about two-thirds of the way. The screw portion of the corkscrew stands at a noticeable angle to the bottle, however. On one side, where the screw and the ring portion of the corkscrew are closest, between the two the glass of the lip of the bottle has shattered. The damage extends across the thickness of the wall of the bottle, from outer rim to inner rim. It is perhaps a millimeter or two tall and four or five millimeters wide. Tiny shards are lying on and around the shattered area.

No glass is currently in the wine. The cork is still far enough in to form that much of a seal.

Short of massive amounts of SuperGlue followed by a drill and a siphon, can this wine safely be consumed?

Comments

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

In this heat? Chilled wine?

I'd probably pour it through a coffee filter.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Ooo! If I had one of those. We thought of a tea ball, and that just Will Not Do.

[ladycelia.livejournal.com]

Paper towel can work in a pinch.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I've used a paper towel for coffee. They're more fragile when wet, though, and thus must be supported in something like a strainer or coffee cone, or folded over two or three times.

[ladycelia.livejournal.com]

I usually put it into a strainer--that way you get the support, and (depending upon the style), you can rest it on the lip of whatever you're straining into.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

We used a paper towel for some kind of fancy coffee-related object once. Espresso, maybe? The explosion was impressive. I was digging coffee grounds out of the kitchen counter tile grout for days.

[ladycelia.livejournal.com]

Open it carefully, and if necessary, strain it.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's the challenge. I now realize coffee filters would be perfect. I might have thought of those if I had ever owned any, but since I haven't, they didn't come to mind. A tea ball was Not Right!

[ambar.livejournal.com]

What came to my mind immediately was a clean flour sack dish towel. (Any single sheet of cotton or linen fiber would do the job, if clean. No terry, for obvious reasons.)

(these are the ones I have: <http://www.vermontcountrystore.com/shopping/product/detailmain.jsp?itemid=30489&itemtype=product&rs=1&keyword=flour+sack>)

[dieppe.livejournal.com]

A straw?

I'd say get rid of as much of the glass as possible, and remove the cork.

White wine you say? Hm. Do you have a decanter anyway? I know you put red wine into a duck thing, but not sure about white.

Do you have cheese for that wine?

[dieppe.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you could strain it through a coffee filter too... what they said.

It's a clear wine though so, hm.. get to drinkin' eh!? :)

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Wine decanter?

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oh wow. A coffee filter I can steal from supplies, but that duck thing mactavish just posted is going to be harder to find!

[dieppe.livejournal.com]

Well...



A little less bird like duck... or something.

I must be so damned bored

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Re: I must be so damned bored

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Bored is a good sign at T minus a week and two days! :-)

Re: I must be so damned bored

[therobbergirl.livejournal.com]

Wow, that manages to be uglier than that first duck!

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

One of the few practical uses for pantyhose :):). *Clean* pantyhose :):).

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Wow! Would the filter holes be small enough, with pantyhose? (I'm at least smart enough not to STRETCH the pantyhose.) I honestly don't know how small the glass bits get, and I don't know how big they'd have to be to do damage.

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

I have done exactly this, with a double layer and no stretching :). Didn't die. But if I'd had coffee filters, I probably would have opted for one or two of those.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

OK, I'll make sure to get me one or two of those, then! :)

[allanh.livejournal.com]

Well, for the NEXT time this happens, the answer will start off with:

(1) Drive 10 minutes to Allan & Randy's house, and borrow a coffee filter, strainer, and wine decanter...

[dieppe.livejournal.com]

...cheese...

CHEESE, Gromit!

[allanh.livejournal.com]

Randy usually stocks a small selection of cheeses.

So yes ... if CJ just brings over the offending bottle of wine, we'll not only help her open and decant it safely, but Randy will help her drink it, accompanied by a fine cheese.

Re: CHEESE, Gromit!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oh man. Having you nearby is going to spoil me something fierce. :)

Re: CHEESE, Gromit!

[allanh.livejournal.com]

That sword cuts both ways, toots. :)

Re: CHEESE, Gromit!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

What can I spoil you two with? Wine, got some of that. Kitties, got a few of those. Um, air conditioning? I scored a visit from a friend last weekend because my house had A/C!

Re: CHEESE, Gromit!

[allanh.livejournal.com]

Your delightful company, to start.

If you start feeling really guilty, you can help me refine my choreo.

Of course, when you actually start reading my choreo, that'll just provide you with more laughter, which means you'll sink even deeper into karma debt ...

Re: CHEESE, Gromit!

[ladycelia.livejournal.com]

You have aircon???? And wine????
Add some dancing boys and I'm on my way!

Re: CHEESE, Gromit!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Think we could teach Rob? ;-)

Re: CHEESE, Gromit!

[ladycelia.livejournal.com]

I'll bet we could...I'd be willing to try ;^)

Re: CHEESE, Gromit!

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Pity Joe's in Boston for a few days.

And wait, Rob does dance already.

Re: CHEESE, Gromit!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure square dancing was quite what she had in mind. ;-)

Re: CHEESE, Gromit!

[ambar.livejournal.com]

I could loan you a dancing dog!

Re: CHEESE, Gromit!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

DOGS and wine and cheese! She might try to eat the cheese but if she's anything like the dogs I've had she'd leave the wine alone.

Re: CHEESE, Gromit!

[aelfie.livejournal.com]

Chocolate! =)

Re: CHEESE, Gromit!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

MMMMMMMMMMCHOCOLATE.

Re: CHEESE, Gromit!

[dieppe.livejournal.com]

What about Wensleydale?

Re: CHEESE, Gromit!

[allanh.livejournal.com]

Uhh ... [looking over shoulder]

Sorry, we're out.

[sharya.livejournal.com]

At the risk of sounding completely unsafe:

My friend used to do this bar trick - they would serve shooters in test tubes, and at the end of the shooter he would crunch down and eat the test tube. I suspect that whatever tiny amount of glass you consume would probably be fine considering he ate vast quantities of it with no problems.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oh MAN. I wonder if the fact they were test tubes helped at all. Different kinds of glass (tempered, etc) shatter in different ways. I admit that his bar trick would really make my eyes get wide!

[sharya.livejournal.com]

He got a lot of free shooters out of it... Everyone wanted to see him eat the glas :X