Get Rich Quick

[cjsmith]

[From a Y!IM conversation, reposted with permission]

cjsmith: What else can we make lists of?
joedecker: hmm
joedecker: ways to easily become fantastically wealthy with no work
cjsmith: 1. inherit from millionaire
joedecker: 2. lottery
cjsmith: 3. discover you are the long-lost heir to some kingdom
joedecker: 4. have a bank fall into your back yard
joedecker: 5. invent a world-class fart-noise-generator
cjsmith: 5a. and don't build a prototype or anything, just have someone offer you a bajillion for it sight unseen
joedecker: right!
joedecker: put it on ebay
joedecker: put "playstation 3" in the item title
cjsmith: 6. get people into a bidding war over who can give you the most money
cjsmith: 7. tell a friend to sell his old socks on eBay and give you half the proceeds
cjsmith: OK, number 7 needs lots of friends or one with lots of socks.
cjsmith: 8. trip and fall into a gold mine
joedecker: 9. "up from the ground came a-bubblin' crude"
cjsmith: 10. dream, verbatim, the next Harry Potter (ie the next smash hit)
cjsmith: 10a. and dictate it to someone who's willing to do the work of writing it and submitting it
joedecker: 11. have your urine tested and find out it's a new world-class antiviral drug

I'm surprised we came up with as many as we did. Frankly, I think #4 is a masterpiece.

Any additions? :-)

Comments

[jcgbigler.livejournal.com]

Receive a piece of spam that asks you to become the custodian of $50,000,000 from some random guy in an African country who died with no heir, and get a good lawyer to force the spammer to honor the terms of the offer, for 30% of the proceeds.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I like!

[ladycelia.livejournal.com]

I really like #4. But it would squash the roses.

For me, I could 'Find a bag of money in a car that we buy'. Or (and this has happened to at least one guy that I worked with 'find a big-ass haul of coke in the chassis.'

[ladycelia.livejournal.com]

Of course, my problem is that these scenarios, I'd try to find the person the money belonged to, and likely flush the coke.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, some people just aren't meant for instant wealth, huh? Me neither, I suspect. :-)

[ladycelia.livejournal.com]

It's funny, the guys that I work for were two of the pivotal 'pyramid scheme' guys of the late 70's or early 80's. They made a fortune. And they totally knew that they were screwing people, but also knew that (basically) anyone who'd participate was screwing themselves. I just couldn't have done something like that.
I never play the lottery, so that's unlikely. And I don't have any wealthy relatives, so inheritance is out. Maybe Publisher's Clearinghouse....

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oh man, how could I forget the best one? Shake a tree!

[ladycelia.livejournal.com]

Oh, didn't you hear? There was a terrible case of blight--I think there's only one or two trees left up there with VCs in 'em.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oh darn. Finding the right one is too much like Work. I guess that entry fails to make it onto the list.

[ladycelia.livejournal.com]

I know! Drive behind armored cars--eventually one of them is bound to lose a bag!

[redbird]

Like the friend of mine who found a probably-valuable Aleister Crowley manuscript in the basement of a home he bought.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oh wow. Did he contact the previous owner of the place? I wonder what that might have been worth.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Auction off things you've worn once. (Hey, it works for some people.)
Start a religion.

[irascignavojo.livejournal.com]

12) Forward all chain mail letters - one will surely work, right?

13) Start a "sell the secret to success for 200$" snowball chain.

15) Assist a candidate and collect the bribes for him

16) Run for office and collect the bribes yourself.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oh excellent!

17) Set up a monopoly selling licenses to do something people really want to do. Conveniently forget to mention that before you started this business they could do it without you.

[therobbergirl.livejournal.com]

Create something from a strange source (for example, cow fetuses), put it into gel capsules, and market it by saying that the facists in the FDA don't want you to know about this cure for [something awful that you can get from believing SCIENCE! on the web].

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

You win.

I quote joedecker again, from an entirely different conversation. "Scientists will tell you this can't possibly work. But decide for yourself!"

[therobbergirl.livejournal.com]

Yay, I win! Now I shall go home and await my multimillion dollar check.

You did say that there'd be a check, right?

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

As soon as you do it, yeah, there's a check! :-) Me, I'm still waiting for that bank.

out of scope

[cos]

That's a great one, but it requires that you do some work before you make the money.

killing the dreams of a failed marketing drone

[therobbergirl.livejournal.com]

*looks at you through narrowed eyes*

You're an engineer, aren't you?

Re: killing the dreams of a failed marketing drone

[cos]

I'm a geek, but I don't know if I'm an engineer... maybe? :)

[jcgbigler.livejournal.com]

Write a book entitled 1,000 Ways to Make $1,000,000 (all of which you can probably find in your inbox) and sell 100,000 copies for $10 each.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Sell "gooble" ads to people who can't spell! When they catch on, start selling "boogle" ads!

[jcgbigler.livejournal.com]

But if you start selling "bogle" ads, they might suspect that you're using a phantom web server.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

And don't click on the link to booble at work. Seriously. They thought of exactly what that word should mean.

[joedecker.livejournal.com]

Goofle, for jokes.

[simplykimberly.livejournal.com]

I actually think this is stupid enough to work. Or rather, I think that people are stupid enough to make it work.

You sell pink and blue pills, labelled as helping to conceive girls, or boys. People are idiots about procreation (yeah, ask me how I know!)

It would say on the label that it's not guaranteed, but you could even offer a money-back guarantee if you wanted. It's going to work about 50% of the time, and who's REALLY going to collect on that sort of guarantee in the end, anyway?

The pills would have chocolate and caffeine in them, encouraging a safe and healthy addiction ;) Well, at least relatively harmless, if not healthy.

This was my ex's idea.

Oh crap ... this actually involves work. Forget it.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

*snicker* Wow, what an idea!

[hitchhiker.livejournal.com]

marry someone rich (oh wait - you said 'no work' :))

become a land pirate!!!! YARR!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Hmm, I wonder what the King of Sweden and a comfortable couch are worth? :)

[hitchhiker.livejournal.com]

A bit more than a sovereign

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

*chuckle* A crown and change!

Yes, Land Pirate as a career has much to recommend it.

[aliceinfinland.livejournal.com]

One word: poker.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Mmm! If you already know the game and are good at cards in general, then the "work" part is done!

[aliceinfinland.livejournal.com]

The ones with pictures on them, of a person or an abstract thing, are good. All you have to know.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Heh, reminds me of a line: "Last night I was playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died." -- Steven Wright.

[monkeypooshoes.livejournal.com]

Start a cult.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yes! And insist on donations, big ones!

[cos]

Forget all about the few shares of EMC stock someone gave you as a gift 20 years ago, until suddenly one day you realize they've had ten+ stock splits since, and you're holding a few million dollars.

This actually happened to someone.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Really? Wow. That's stunning.

[aliza250.livejournal.com]

Invent the next Pet Rock.

Patent binary numbers.

Litigate class-action lawsuits.

Buy low, sell high.