I think I only died once

[cjsmith]

After my lesson Benjamin asked "So what's your assessment?"

My reply was that I was all over the sky. He claims it wasn't that bad, and on rational reflection I have to admit that there's only one time I would have failed to land safely (one of the simulated engine failures). But it just wasn't solid, y'know?

There's a lot of LITTLE stuff that needs fixing. I'm usually, but not always, keeping the ball centered on climbout. I'm usually, but not always, keeping good control of the airspeed both on the climbout and on the approach. I'm usually, except for just one time, keeping very good alignment of the aircraft with the runway centerline on short final and flare.

Benjamin says there's not one thing that stands out for me to work on: "it all just needs to gel." Me, I get worried when I hear something like that. I start to think "So I just wait for the Good Piloting Fairy to wave her magic wand?" I have had lots of situations in my life where the only thing I could really do was wait for the ________ Fairy to come by. So far I have been disappointed every time. I hope this isn't one of those.

LVK tomorrow, if the weather holds.

Comments

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

"it all just needs to gel."

How annoying. How does one know what to work on when that's the feedback?

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

This is exactly where I was with the Pitts, once upon a time. My acro was flawless; even my instructor, who I now think frankly didn't want to see me ever solo the Pitts, gave me that. But my landings -- while he claimed every single one of them was safe -- just weren't quiiiiiite consistent enough. For many months. I don't want to total how many thousands of dollars I spent before I decided I wasn't playing the fool any more. I quit cold, walking away from the whole thing.

I hadn't been back to fly an aircraft until now.

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

I'd cross my fingers for the Pilot Fairy to wave her magic wand over you, but would it be more productive to discuss anything in more detail with your current instructor?

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It might be time to tell him this bit of my history. He should know that I have little patience left, and that when I get this kind of feedback what it tells me is "quit flying forever".

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's something that it would be good for him to know.

I'm not sure if this is relevant or if it's the same kind of situation, but there's things, mostly physical things like juggling, that I've learned by - first understandiing how it works with my conscious brain, and then just doing it over & over & fucking over until my muscles have learned it or my subconscious has learned it or whatever. There's no substitute for repetition nor can I predict when, or even if, it will work. But it does, mostly, eventually work.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

A flight student at work said something similar: that really, repetition might indeed be the key. I honestly didn't have any trouble with that when I was working toward my license. Maybe I'm just too proud, now? I don't think I should have to do the hard work?? But in any case, you've said it and he's said it and gdmusumeci below said something similar... it helps. Thank you. I'm oversensitive, but once I know that, I can buckle down.

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

Cool. Yeah, it's very annoying when repetition is the best thing, because I'm like "I did this already! I'm not learning anything new!" But in fact parts of me are. The very slow parts. :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Article on how to become good at stuff - the graphic says it all. Most people aren't willing to suck at something for as long as it takes. That would SO be me.

[annina-writes.livejournal.com]

Don't be too hard on yourself. Practice makes perfect...as you gain more hours, you'll gain the smoothness and confidence you want now, if not before. ;-) The Good Piloting Fairy dwells within you already. Hugs, and have fun tomorrow!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It doesn't always happen that way. Hope can be powerful, but hope had better not be my only strategy.

Tomorrow (if the weather holds) I'll ask my instructor for help in making a more concrete plan.

Thanks for the good wishes! :-)

[gdmusumeci.livejournal.com]

Sometimes (all right, most of the time), on sunny weekends, I find myself waiting for the Good Skydiver Fairy to hit me with the magic wand. It is an infuriating feeling, like nothing isn't ever quite right; it always makes me feel powerless. On particularly bad days it's easy to slip into the mindset of "well, maybe I should just give this up." On the other hand, I can look back and concretely identify progress. There are certainly things I can do now that I couldn't do fifty or a hundred jumps ago.

Today I was jumping with two students, both of them quite low-time (15 and 27 jumps). One of them really did well: she was smooth and controlled in the air and did a pretty good job of flying her body. The other student was very tense and not dreadfully stable. But in the end I said the same thing to both of them: are you doing this because you enjoy it? Because I just spent a minute in freefall watching your face and you never once smiled.

You had a pretty bad -- dare I say it, emotionally damaging -- experience with this sort of thing before. I think you're being too hard on yourself. Do you honestly enjoy flying? Are you flying for the sake of being current or are you flying because you love it? Maybe you're like me, and after a few weeks of not being around a plane you have dreams that are nothing but the smell of burning Jet-A. It's easy to lose track of that sort of thing when you're trying to focus on all the little details and get it all just so. Perhaps you might try just flying a little for the joy of it?

Anyways, just my two cents.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It's good that you can concretely identify progress. That's something solid with which you can answer the doubting voice. Right now I have that too; I know I am better than I was four lessons ago. When I hear "it just needs to gel" I am (perhaps unreasonably) reacting to that old scenario, the time when that's what I heard for months. This time I haven't heard it for months. I've heard it once. Maybe it's okay to hear that vague general kind of feedback for a short time.

You make a very good point about the enjoyment. Right now I'm flying for the sake of being current. This is the first of a series of steps that will get me back to the kind of flying I love. I love aerobatics. Spins and rolls and loops and hammerheads, G-forces and dizziness -- that's the good stuff. I could spontaneously burst into song after a session of that. Getting current in a basic training airplane is step one, then getting current with a tailwheel aircraft is step two (probably a Citabria, and I can do some light acro in those), and finally I will step up to a more capable aerobatic machine. By that time I'll be doing what I love.

Thanks. It helps. :-)

[gjo.livejournal.com]

I never realised Citabria is Air Batic backwards.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

:-) The joke goes that just like the spelling, it's almost an aerobatic plane!