Unified Theory of Cats

[cjsmith]

These recent discoveries explain an awful lot:

- A stray cosmic ray can cause a cat to attack an air molecule.
- Electromagnetic disturbances may cause all cats in a room to sit or lie in the same position*.
- Eddies in the air currents around a cat's body, if they brush the whiskers just right, will cause a cat's brain to reboot completely. All unsaved data is lost.

These represent tremendous breakthroughs in the field of feline cognition (aka What Is On Your Little Tiny Mind?). More research is needed. Give generously to the CJ Smith Feline Cognition Research Foundation**.

_____________________________
*...so get out your tinfoil hat when this happens. It may be the only indicator you have. Be prepared!
** CJSFCRF***.
*** Hey, the cats can pronounce it.

Comments

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

In the book cat, a collection of comics by B. Kliban, there's a comic with the profound statement Cats can see things we can't. I think you need to check into this before orally defending your theory to the committee. ;-)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the pointer. It's important to keep up with other research in the field!

[rampling.livejournal.com]

Oh, I remember that one strongly. mira_kitty often reminds me of it when I observe her staring fixedly and wide-eyed at some point high on the wall behind my bed, perhaps moving the point of her stare now and then. I look, and see no bug or anything that might concern her. So I turn back. But I see her staring some more. Uncomfortably, sure I must have missed the big bug she's staring at, I look back again. Nothing. I turn back. Then I see that fixed wide-eyed stare again.

I know she's either just intentionally messing with me, or she is truly Seeing Things We Can't. Spoooooky!

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

*grin* I'm pretty sure it also explains why the one cat I nicknamed Spazz would go from a standstill to darting all the way across the house and back for no apparent reason.

[visgoth.livejournal.com]

This explains so much, I think it qualifies as a Grand Unified Theory of Cats. AKA: CatGUT.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Violins must figure in here SOMEwhere.

[datagoddess.livejournal.com]

We need to develop an alert system, since some of us can't have cats due to allergies.

An Emergency Cat Notification system!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It's well-known that the dog version of this is "Rovalert" (the system whereby one dog can set an entire neighborhood to barking). We need to discover the feline equivalent!

[just-cyd.livejournal.com]

- Electromagnetic disturbances may cause all cats in a room to sit or lie in the same position*.

ok, then, does stronger electromagnetic disturbances cause the synchronized grooming that i observe rather frequently? it's creepy.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Isn't that WEIRD? I suspect those are solar flares.

[hnybny.livejournal.com]

You can also use cats to find leaks in radiant heating systems. They always lie on the warmest part of the floor and when a pipe bursts, that's what happens.

BTW.............HAPPY B-DAY!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I never thought of that! (Never had a radiant heating system.) Cats have so many uses around the house!

Thank you! It was a very nice b-day.

[firecat]

Bwaha!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

The CJSFCRF has as yet no explanation whatsoever for the feline behavior demonstrated in your icon. We apologize for the inconvenience. ;-)

[firecat]

Clearly you need to raise additional funds! I'll be making a bequest in my will. (This is not, however, an invitation to have me knocked off.)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

But of course. That would be decidedly impolite of me to attempt. :-)

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

The real question is, WHY is Eddy in the air currents around a cat's body? And who is this Eddy guy anyway?

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

And how does he affect cats' brains? Is he made of catnip or something? And is this his sofa? ;-)

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

Yes, I was at that precise point in the book when I read your post. Why do you ask? ;)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

The Y!IM conversation from which this post grew *also* had that very same footnote. Heh! :-)

[simplykimberly.livejournal.com]

hee hee hee... SOOOOO true!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

These plus "Cats can see things we can't" are just... they really explain a lot! Hmmm, fiction idea burbling... :-)