Snippets of memory

[cjsmith]

While on the phone with my parents just now I suddenly got another piece of memory back. In the OR, heading out, I asked at least twice to check that the camera came with me. It was Rob's and I wanted to make sure it got back to him. I must have been conscious of the fact that it wasn't with the rest of my stuff and could conceivably be left behind.

Come to think of it, I think I asked at least once (maybe more) about that camera while in recovery, too. I was definitely not all there. :) Heck, when I got home one of the people I phoned was joedecker, and that evening I IM'd him and said "I don't remember whether or not I called you... just wanted to check in." I really didn't remember. Now I have some memory of that phone call, but at that time I didn't. Several times that day I told rfrench something about the nurse or the inprocessing or something and he gently reminded me he'd been there when it happened.

I want the rest of my memories back. I suspect I won't ever piece all of it together, not by a long shot, but I can wish.

Comments

[tryslora]

Did they give you sodium pentathol? They knocked me out with that once and afterwards I was told things I'd said that I had utterly no memory of... and still don't.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I don't know what drug I was given. It would be eerie to be told what I said. Maybe I'll ask the surgeon.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Er... how are your feet doing?

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Surprisingly well, thanks! They really hurt very little if I don't use them. (I'm getting good at not using them.) I got to the bathroom and back without crutches this afternoon -- upright, even!, not crawling -- and it was bearable. I'm very lucky! Long way to go before I walk normally, though, of course.

[airporter.livejournal.com]

And it's been a long time anyway! At least this is different, right?

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It has! Yeah, this is different -- the post-op pain is sometimes sharp, sometimes a deep powerful ache, sometimes full of tingles. My old ways of hobbling don't help so I'm inventing new ones. What the hey, it's an adventure! :)

[airporter.livejournal.com]

I do like that attitude of yours. Hope I can borrow it when (if) the need arises.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks! If you ever need it I'll ship it to you in a great big box. ;-)

[joedecker.livejournal.com]

When I had my upper endoscopy, I never reremembered anything. The earliest memory I have is asking "did they find anything", and the nurse gently teling me "no, you looked okay, and did you know this was the fourth time you asked." Weird how hard a line of amnesia that was for me, very weird.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I bet they get very good at telling people things gently. What a job.

I found it disturbing to realize that even after I got home and started phoning people, I wasn't reliably forming accessible memories yet. I think it's fascinating that there's a drug that can do that to a brain.

Me, too

[nurvuslee.livejournal.com]

I had the upper endoscopy done, too, and I don't remember ever having any conversations with the doctor & assistants there. I was told that I wa very wide awake and alert. Huh? Really?! There was a point when I asked them to use the restroom as I had to pee so badly and was told to "wait" but went ahead and peed right on the table. Of course, I do NOT remember doing that AT ALL and that embarrassed the hell out of me for a good long time.

Re: Me, too

[joedecker.livejournal.com]

Yeah. You reminded me of another aspect of this, it was only after being told this was the 4^th time that I'd asked that I realized that while I was in the recovery room bed, I was also dressed, and I've never rememebered dressing.

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

I want the rest of my memories back. I suspect I won't ever piece all of it together, not by a long shot, but I can wish.

For the record, I was nowhere near you. :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Okay! :-)