Who is Someone Else?

[cjsmith]

If I could design a Someone Else for me to be, naturally I'd first start thinking of someone who has basically no physical pain. Unless injured, I mean. Someone Else enjoys running, backpacking, etc. Someone Else doesn't have great heavy sacks of fat stapled to sensitive chest skin. No foot pain, no abdominal pain, no knee trouble, no continuous bleeding, no osteo in the hands, you get the idea. Heck, a few inches taller while I'm at it.

But that's not the only direction I could go. I could also imagine Someone Else who enjoys (some hobby involving sitting down a lot) and (some exercise not involving feet) and who is happy with the love of her cats. That Someone Else, I might conceivably one day be.

Comments

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

For some reason, the style in which you wrote this post has given me an earworm of Monty Python's Eric the Half a Bee (http://bau2.uibk.ac.at/sg/python/Songs/EricTheHalfABee.html). :-)

[sunnydale47.livejournal.com]

I like your style, CJ! I've thought that way for years, but I could never have articulated it so succinctly or so well.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you! :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It strikes me that this kind of acceptance of physical limitations is something we all go through sooner or later as we age. Sadly, no one older than me seems to want to offer advice and insight. They'd rather make dismissive comments about how they're farther along in calendar years (subtext: therefore my troubles had best not be mentioned). *sigh* Some day I'll find someone who realizes we ALL go through this and who is willing to talk to me about it!

[sunnydale47.livejournal.com]

Sadly, no one older than me seems to want to offer advice and insight. They'd rather make dismissive comments about how they're farther along in calendar years

I think you're overgeneralizing CJ. If you stop and think, I'll bet you can come up with older people who have tried to offer advice and insight. Me, for instance. :-) Seriously, I'm older than you -- considerably older, I think -- and I don't see what age has to do with anything in this context. There are people far younger than I am who could tell me a thing or two about pain, both physical and emotional. Even though I've had my share of both, both younger people and older people have also.

Besides, one person's problems are not comparable with another's. The man with no shoes may realize he's lucky to have feet, but that doesn't ease his pain when he has to walk on a broken glass- and pebble-strewn city street. I'm very grateful that I don't currently have to use a wheelchair, but that doesn't mean I'm not entitled to my feelings about the pain and disability I do have.

In fact, sometimes being younger makes you feel even worse, because you have more years to worry about, and possibly further to go if you feel you're going downhill. When I was widowed at 37, I couldn't imagine how I'd get through another 40 or 50 years, and felt envious of women who were elderly and therefore didn't have to rebuild an entire life, they could just continue as they were until they died too. (Whether that's realistic or not is beside the point -- that's how I felt at the time.) When I was getting worse and worse physically at 38 and 39, I feared I'd be in a wheelchair by 45, and was scared to death about how I'd manage for all those years after that.

So if you're looking for someone older you can talk to (I'm 57), talk away. :-) You can always e-mail me at my LJ address if you want to.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

You're right, I was overgeneralizing. I was thinking of my face-to-face friends (mostly square dance friends) when I said that. I've gotten enough dismissive comments there that I've started to get downright pissy about it. But on LiveJournal, people have been much more understanding. (Not that I necessarily know who is older than whom in this medium!)

Besides, one person's problems are not comparable with another's.

I agree wholeheartedly. And yeah, all of us are entitled to our feelings about whatever challenges we face. That'd be a good reminder to myself when I get jealous of someone else's easy mobility.

In fact, sometimes being younger makes you feel even worse, because you have more years to worry about

I felt an enormous wave of relief when I read what you'd written here. Yes! That, exactly! So I'm not the only one who's ever thought that! I honestly am not sure I'll make it to forty without a wheelchair, and that both scares and saddens me. So much time I thought I'd have. So many dreams I never got started on. So much potential I might never see. So many future years to take care of myself and keep myself afloat, with diminishing physical capabilities.

*sigh* Just knowing someone else has been through similar things is a comfort. Your thoughts remind me that mine are not necessarily insane. Your life is proof that it's possible to have joy in the outdoors even with some pretty major pain.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to know who you are, but I also hope you get to be the person you want to be some day. :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :)

[kennita.livejournal.com]

I second the sentiment, and am optimistic about it, too (for an unknown value of "some day" :-) ). Leaving aside antibiotics and antihistamines, which are miraculous in their own right, science has pretty well kicked the butt of my myopia (yay LASIK (http://www.optimaeye.com/)!) and my fibroids (yay UAE (http://www.pennhealth.com/phys_forum/pto/jan_feb04/uae.html)!), and has improved my MS symptoms considerably (yay Novantrone (http://novantrone.com/patients/novantrone/index.jsp)!) and is working on improving them more, or maybe even finding a cure.

Better yet, we're starting to have an idea how to attack this BS we call aging (Google "Aubrey de Grey" and/or read about SENS (http://www.gen.cam.ac.uk/sens/) for more on that), so if you can just hang in there (either continuously breathing, or if it takes too long, using cryonics (http://www.dmoz.org/Science/Biology/Cryobiology/Cryonics/)), someday you will be able to be Someone Else. And so will I. Won't it be glorious? :-)