Time for a shift of focus

[cjsmith]

OK, that last post was a much-desired, somewhat overdue, and probably even necessary bout of self-pity. I do need to let the grumpy out from time to time. And yes, the facts I wrote there are true. On the other hand, there's also more to life than that. I need to learn how to live with the fact that this sucks and uncurable pain is the pits. By that I mean I want to live well, not just grit my teeth and exist for one more day. It can be done. I know it can. I've seen people far worse off than me do it.

Y'know what always,

always,

always helps me?

Doing something nice for somebody else.

Those gratitude list things are okay for a quick change of focus, but for me, shifting my gaze away from myself is a far more lasting respite. As of right now, I'm pulling my head outta where it was and looking around. It'll help me for sure, and who knows, someone else might get something out of it too. :-)

Comments

[sunnydale47.livejournal.com]

Doing something nice for somebody else.

That is a key, if not the key.

When I was an abused wife, I became a volunteer at the local domestic violence center, even while I was still in the marriage. I continued after I got divorced, and when I remarried and moved to Maryland I worked in a DVC here until Tom got sick.

After I was widowed at 37, I couldn't relate to the older folks in the widows and widowers group run by the hospice. I'll never forget one of them saying that his grandchildren came over in the afternoons, and it was too quiet at night after they left ... and all I could say was that I was delighted to get a little peace and quiet at night after my 4-year-old finally went to sleep! So I started a peer support group for younger widows and widowers, and operated it for over six years. I had a co-facilitator part of the time, but the rest of the time I facilitated it alone.

After I became disabled I spent a great deal of time on fibromyalgia boards acting as a resource, helping people by doing research, answering questions, etc. I was an unofficial FM/CFS guru for quite a long time.

When I was raising a young child on my own as a widowed single parent, I was a Girl Scout leader, volunteered in her school, and was on the religious education committee at church.

Making a difference in other people's lives helped me at least as much as it helped them. Looking back on it, I realize I did the most volunteer work during the toughest time. Even though I was in constant pain and could hardly walk, I rarely felt sorry for myself because I was too busy and too fulfilled by helping others.

That is definitely the way to go, CJ. I'll look forward to hearing about your helpful exploits!