I'm getting worse

[cjsmith]

I wrote about asking for wheelchair assistance in airports. I said it felt weird because I'd never done it before. I thought briefly of saying "Looking back over the last eighteen months, I probably should have." But I thought a little and I realize that's not necessarily true. Looking back over the last eighteen months, I've definitely had times when I've been better than I am today. When I went to Japan I walked a LOT. I could walk a lot. It hurt, of course; it hurt big bunches; I was never not in pain. But there's absolutely no way I could do that much walking today -- not multiple days in a row. I could, and did, back in January.

I'm getting worse. This is not good. This is very scary.

One other reason it felt weird is because I'm calling for wheelchair assistance for flying to and from a square dance convention. What's wrong with this picture? Heh! Of course, just because I'm going to the convention doesn't mean I'm able to dance much -- I'm not, not by a long shot -- and I'd like to conserve every shard of mobility for times when I *can't* get help. This, too, shows how I'm deteriorating. At other dances in the past I have only thought about whether I could take enough breaks. For this one I'm not even considering attempting to show up at every session. One session, with breaks between tips and maybe sitting some out, is my limit for a day. I don't even know if I can do that much two days in a row.

I envy people with broken legs because they heal. I envy people with conditions that are hideously uncomfortable but curable. I envy people with incurable things that don't affect fundamental stuff like standing up. I've long since quit envying healthy people. They're not even in my universe any more.

Comments

[kimatha.livejournal.com]

I've had TMJ diagnosed for a while, a couple of years now probably, and it is the main source of my headaches. The most immediate thing to do for it is getting a nighttime mouth guard. I've put that off because I still have a (non-urgent) crown to do, but I think I'll go ahead and ask for one at my next dental exam.

Your feet really ought to be someone's science project. If I were a doctor, I'd be itching to know. Actually, I'm itching to know anyway.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

The mouth guard would have to be redone because of a crown? Bummer. Well, if it'll ratchet your headaches down a couple of notches, I hope you get the mouth guard soon.

I'm itching to know too! Too bad I can't do a science project on myself. I simply don't have the background. I've learned a lot of basic anatomy of the foot though. :-)