Thank you

[cjsmith]

Thanks to everyone who offered comments, support, and ideas in response to my "Deadline" post. I appreciate not only the support but the connection, the knowledge that someone out there hears and understands where I'm at with this. Quite a few someones, even. It means a lot to me.

Our culture is very big on the fighters, the people who never ever give up. We don't honor the people who work within their limitations, or who take a break from fighting for a while, even if it's obviously the smart or sane thing to do. There's a subtle disbelief people show when faced with someone who really has tried an enormous number of things none of which has worked. (Sometimes I think Americans believe an amputee should be able to grow a new leg by force of will. Failure to do so is some sort of personality flaw. I have my theories about how all this is a big case of denial, but this post is long enough.) I've bought into this attitude more than is healthy.

Not that I'm giving up exactly. I'll still go to physical therapy and to my doctor. I'll do my exercises and my stretches and I'll apply castor oil to my feet (that's the latest, and it's too early to say whether it's helping, so I won't ditch it now).

I'm definitely going to apply for the disabled parking hang-tag. A group of people in the waiting room at physical therapy this morning said the same: "I did that; it helped!" "Oh, DO it, it's what you need right now that counts." One woman offered to get me some information on a chair for cooking -- a lab chair, so it rolls *and* can go up and down (high enough to stir pasta, low enough for getting pans out of the cupboard). I told her I don't cook much, but to be honest, I admit I did bake more a while back. It was thoughtful of her to ask about cooking and offer to get the name of her "godsend" chair. She can walk, some, but she also uses a scooter, and she's had pain in the soles of her feet for ten years. I think I'm glad I'm not waiting for ten years to get the placard.

And enormous thanks to dizzdvl for offering to send me a swim cap and goggles. I haven't decided between the nearby high school's pool and the Y, but I'll do one or the other. There, you have my word on it: I will swim. Now that I've made a public declaration I'll do it.

Comments

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you! *blush* I don't know quite what's admirable about this -- to me I'm doing the only thing I can -- but thank you. :-)

You're right that there are lots of things I still can do. My job right now is to focus on those, take joy from those, and keep up the exercises and stretches that just might improve the feet some day. I'm grinning at "never seen a caller actually dance" -- it can be rare! -- but at least out here all the Challenge callers also dance. Like you said, though, it'd be a long time before my credibility will be strongly affected by not dancing. By that time maybe I'll be back to it again, or in a wheelchair and thus exempt. Who knows what the future will bring?

Thank you so much. I still haven't the foggiest why you call me Superwoman but hey, right now I'll take it. Maybe if I put on a cape I could fly. ;-)

[ericainohio.livejournal.com]

No, there is a lot more you could do - most of it negative. You could give up, become bitter, sit on the couch and do nothing, complain endlessly, you get the picture. Nope, not CJ - you're still up and living life. And THAT is why I call you Superwoman. I'm firmly convinced there's nothing you can't do. Well, as long as it doesn't involve being on your feet?

So if you take up swimming, is that why you were discussing cutting off your hair? I missed most of that conversation, so I apologize if this was already discussed, but would it make you feel a little better about the hair if you could donate it to Locks of Love? I have no idea how long your hair is, but I think Locks of Love will take anything of substantial length.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I guess giving up and being bitter would be really really unpleasant (for me!!) so maybe that's why I'm trying so hard not to do it. :)

Locks of Love might take it, I don't know. It's down to my butt, which they'd like, but it's very fine and dry (it's got split MIDDLES). Maybe they'll still want it. I'd feel good about that.