Thank you

[cjsmith]

Thanks to everyone who offered comments, support, and ideas in response to my "Deadline" post. I appreciate not only the support but the connection, the knowledge that someone out there hears and understands where I'm at with this. Quite a few someones, even. It means a lot to me.

Our culture is very big on the fighters, the people who never ever give up. We don't honor the people who work within their limitations, or who take a break from fighting for a while, even if it's obviously the smart or sane thing to do. There's a subtle disbelief people show when faced with someone who really has tried an enormous number of things none of which has worked. (Sometimes I think Americans believe an amputee should be able to grow a new leg by force of will. Failure to do so is some sort of personality flaw. I have my theories about how all this is a big case of denial, but this post is long enough.) I've bought into this attitude more than is healthy.

Not that I'm giving up exactly. I'll still go to physical therapy and to my doctor. I'll do my exercises and my stretches and I'll apply castor oil to my feet (that's the latest, and it's too early to say whether it's helping, so I won't ditch it now).

I'm definitely going to apply for the disabled parking hang-tag. A group of people in the waiting room at physical therapy this morning said the same: "I did that; it helped!" "Oh, DO it, it's what you need right now that counts." One woman offered to get me some information on a chair for cooking -- a lab chair, so it rolls *and* can go up and down (high enough to stir pasta, low enough for getting pans out of the cupboard). I told her I don't cook much, but to be honest, I admit I did bake more a while back. It was thoughtful of her to ask about cooking and offer to get the name of her "godsend" chair. She can walk, some, but she also uses a scooter, and she's had pain in the soles of her feet for ten years. I think I'm glad I'm not waiting for ten years to get the placard.

And enormous thanks to dizzdvl for offering to send me a swim cap and goggles. I haven't decided between the nearby high school's pool and the Y, but I'll do one or the other. There, you have my word on it: I will swim. Now that I've made a public declaration I'll do it.

Comments

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Twenty years ago, I had a ruptured L5 disc, was on bed rest (except, eventually, for PT), couldn't work, my doctor said that if I didn't follow her protocol perfectly the next step was surgery, or I'd start to have enough sciatic nerve damage for real function loss.

My roommate rolled her eyes at me and said that her father had instilled in her a Work Ethic and that if I'd ever developed a work ethic I wouldn't let this pain bother me but would suck it up and go on living my life.

I'm glad I didn't listen, as my doctor's protocol worked, and I only get occasional sciatic twinges now when I sit wrong for too long.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

That roommate's comment was AWFUL! I almost wish her the same health issue so that she'd learn something. Almost.

I'm glad your back is much better now.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

She was awful for any number of reasons. One reason deyo and I stick together is we're each each other's favorite roommate so far. ;)

[daltong.livejournal.com]

I think I've only had one person actually say something like that to me, but I always feel like everyone is thinking it. That's one of my growth challenges--to learn to forget what I think everyone else is thinking and simply deal with myself and what I want and what I think is right. I find it surprisingly hard to do.

And because my injury is hidden, and because it goes quiet when I am inactive, I keep thinking I'm lazy. I keep forgetting that I'm not working because I'm injured, not because I don't want to. All those plans and goals I had before the injury are still in my head, which means I get down on myself for not doing any of them. It's all part of the journey.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I think I've only had one person actually say something like that to me, but I always feel like everyone is thinking it.

That's one of the worst poisons of such a message -- it multiplies, because you never know who's simply not saying it. And I completely agree that the only true answer for that is to do what you think is right regardless, and yeah, that's awfully rough!

I too have had the "lazy" tape playing. My posts read as if I'm doing a lot, but there's always something else I'm not doing, some exercise I didn't do to perfection, some dietary weirdness I haven't tried. I've got to learn that there are limits to how much I'm willing to have this take over my life, too, and that doesn't equal lazy.

*hug*.

[daltong.livejournal.com]

Oh, also, rlpowell has pointed out that a lot of people who've had very little illness or injuries in their lives have a very hard time understanding the kind of sickness that can actually keep you from doing something. So you might say those of us who go through this crap are more empathetic as a result. Go, us?

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

a lot of people who've had very little illness or injuries in their lives have a very hard time understanding the kind of sickness that can actually keep you from doing something.

Yeah. I've dated way too many of those! Never again! I also know how hard it is on a person like that when a long string of good luck finally ends -- if one hasn't built the emotional endurance over a lifetime, then learning it at (say) age 75 isn't easy at all.

[shadopanther.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure which disc it is, but my mother is dealing with a herniated disc right now. Stretching and working out at Curves (http://www.curvesinternational.com) is helping some, but it is a long way from better (if it will ever be better).

I believe swimming is an encouraged method of exercise. The two roadblocks seem to be (a) she feels the Timpany Center (http://bayarea.easterseals.com/site/PageServer?pagename=CABY_ESCC_Intro) pool is far to drive to & (b) she does not feel comfortable swimming alone in the pool at her SJ house (which may also still be cold this time of year as it is solar heated with blankets which are currently off).

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Outdoor unheated pools (here in the Bay Area) are pretty chilly still. I dipped my toe in mine and am a little apprehensive. :)

Good luck to your mom. That sounds like a painful long recovery.

[genderfur.livejournal.com]

I hope your mother is working with a chiropractor?

[shadopanther.livejournal.com]

She was working with a chiropractor. Sadly, the back pain started after a possible mis-adjustment at the chiropractor's office & she's been leery to return. (...and it's the same chiropractor that I've gone to & had good results with for years.)