Prostheses

[cjsmith]

Many people with artificial feet can walk, hike, run, and even backpack. (At least if they've somehow obtained these artificial feet while the rest of their body was still functioning.)

If my doctors hadn't told me there was hope, back in 2003, we might have discussed this by now, and I could be running today.

Comments

[gdmusumeci.livejournal.com]

I'm dreadfully sorry, but might I ask for the background behind this?

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oh, no prob. There's a little in my userinfo. Basically I have unexplained pain in the ball of my foot. The more active I am the worse it gets. Doctors all try their pet theories, and none of it works.

Nobody but me is even thinking amputation, of course. But if everybody would just ditch their blasted pet ideas and be honest that they don't know and can't fix it, I could imagine having an option like that.

[cyan-blue.livejournal.com]

Many hugs... what a choice to have to make!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I get angry that it isn't a choice I have right now. I know that sounds crazy. But if I were faced with that choice -- whether I took it or not -- at least I'd be pretty sure I was getting honest answers.

[cyan-blue.livejournal.com]

It doesn't sound crazy when it's the only road to functionality. I just feel awful for you that it might be the only one... and not available.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I guess even if that's the only way I'd run again, then I could also choose to stay cardio-fit by buying a good arm bike. Thousands of dollars for an arm bike is cheaper than new feet. I still wish I had a clear picture of what the real chances are. I guess THAT'S what I'm railing about: wanting information.

I just saw a child's wheelchair go by on my local Freecycle list. Wonder if I'm skinny enough for one of those. Things that make an arm bike out of a wheelchair are much less expensive than standalone ones. Hmmmm. :)

[just-cyd.livejournal.com]

and i bet every doc you mention that to will think you're nuts for even suggesting it.


{{{hugs}}}

i'm not sure what else to say, other than i can totally relate to your situation and your frustration. if you feel like venting some more, pull up a chair, and i'll put on the pot for tea, and you can let 'er rip.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Got any effigies of doctors I can punch? :-)

[just-cyd.livejournal.com]

not immediately accessable, but i have all the makings (fabric, batting, misc sewing stuff).

or you could torture a voodoo one online (http://www.virtual-design.com/demos/voodoodoll/voodoo.asp?section=demo&subsection=voodoo)! or buy a few (one for each offending doc) and go to town. ;-)

once, a friend of mine (ours!) was having a lot of anger. i showed up on her doorstep with several small blocks of wood, a bag full of nails and a hammer. told her to go to town. i think it helped. showing up on your doorstep would be hard, but i could put together a similar care package for you.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I wonder if I'm isolated enough right now for a good primal scream.

I think yes. I don't even *know* my neighbors -- they probably won't come running for a scream. I'd be mightily embarrassed if I were wrong about that though.

[just-cyd.livejournal.com]

go for it. i'm sure it'd help. if you're worried about the neighbors, scream into a pillow.

beating things is also good. tennis racket on the bed. empty milk jugs and shoes against the wall (i've done the shoes one).

the plastic that makes up most house phones is nearly indestructable, or so i was told. just don't beat the phone handset against the base -- you could dislodge the hang-up part and then the phone won't work. not that i'd know anything about that or anything. :/

definitely get it out ... i internalize all of my anger, and it comes out in other, more self-destructive ways. i tried to kill two phones, but mostly i'm just killing myself.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

At least you're not setting them on fire. Friend of a friend in college did that once. Half-melted it. Rotary phone, back then, so he could still dial it by fidgeting with the hang-up buttons. He asked for a replacement but got nowhere. He got an irked call from Jeff Schiller (the guy who ran the phone switches) because this practice was not good for the switching equipment, and presto, he had a new phone a half hour later.

Digression, sorry. Anyway I bet melted phones smell really bad so I'm glad you're just thwacking 'em.

[hnybny.livejournal.com]

Wow, amputation is pretty harsh. Are you sure it isn't tha pain talking? But really, do what you feel is best.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It is harsh, yeah. And in some sense it is indeed the pain talking, 'cause the pain is why I'm not running and hiking and backpacking and climbing and doing all the enjoyable fun things I did two years ago.

But right now, it's all just my anger and frustration talking.

I'm a 37-year-old woman who's been to the top of Half Dome and would like to again -- and the only reason I can't is my feet. I've run in a few road races and would like to again -- and the only reason I can't is my feet. No yoga, no bike riding, no nothing. I'm a perfectly healthy person who can't walk ONE MILE because of these feet.

I want my life back. :-(

[annina-writes.livejournal.com]

Just a gentle reminder that amputation comes with its own list of pains, from phantom limb syndrome to friction burns and ulcers. However, I do know how you feel. I haven't felt "normal" in terms of ability and freedom from pain since 1978, and it has only gotten worse over time, until I can only walk a few steps at all.

But yours is much worse than mine; I had symptoms that started like little aches and pains following influenza and progressed over almost three decades. Yours started right at the beginning and you've not only suffered from the essential pain itself, but from the ministrations and manipulations of the medical practioners. That's gotta be so frustrating!!!

Being forgetful as I invariably am, have we discussed acupuncture? I seem to remember that you tried it. The treatment that made me cringe (but not as much as you, my dear) was the alcohol injections. [shudders]

I do hope you can get some permanent relief. Keep researching and looking. There just has to be someone out there with the answer to your pain!
Sending healing energy your way along with prayers and cyber hugs,
-Annina

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Just a gentle reminder that amputation comes with its own list of pains, from phantom limb syndrome to friction burns and ulcers.

Agreed - and of that list, one (the phantom pain) is untreatable, just like the pain I have today.

I don't know that mine's worse, or even that they're comparable -- yours is limiting and probably deucedly annoying, and I'm sure you've gone through patches of hell both emotional and physical.

I haven't yet tried acupuncture. That's probably next. Sadly, there doesn't have to be an answer. Some people never get better. I may have to face the fact that I'm one of them.

[annina-writes.livejournal.com]

Well, I'll keep you in my list of friends that I pray for. I'm not a huge religious person...well, yeah...I'm huge, but not religious (LOL!), but yes, I'm spiritual, and firmly believe in the power of prayer. When I told the 20K people in the World Community Forums, which I ran at the time that I had uterine cancer, and asked them to pray for me and send healing energy my way, a day later I was so buzzed I felt like I'd had a gazillion pots of coffee. When I had my surgery the doctor said it looked like the lesion, which was small, had been shrinking "on its own." It'll be 5 years ago on June 23rd and I never tire of telling the tale so excuse me if you've heard it before. The bottom line? There is always hope. :-) Gentle hugs!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I thank you from the bottom of my heart. My mother has recently done the same (added me to a list in her prayer circle, actually).

I'm huge, but not religious (LOL!)

I did laugh out loud at this! :-) Ah, a sense of humor improves many an otherwise dreary day!

[sharya.livejournal.com]

I know it's not the same as doing the things you're used to doing, but Pilates has been excellent activity for me, and since it's mostly on a mat, and not in a standing position, it probably wouldn't bother your feet too much :/

I started Pilates due to the body not being cooperative with me doing the things I wanted to do, and it's done wonders for getting me back into shape and keeping me active.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I may look into that. Thanks.

[patgreene.livejournal.com]

What about swimming?

[hnybny.livejournal.com]

I understand frustration, believe me. I won't ramble here.

There is so much yoga that doesn't have to be done standing. In fact if, I had to exercize with a foot injury I think yoga might be my only option.

BTW, after my car accident I said something very similar. The futility of it all sinks in eventually and you move on with your life, a different one, but still a life.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I'd have to find a teacher that understands the limitations, though. I don't think I've ever met one who would accept a student who can't even attempt Downward Dog. Downward Dog is like the basic entrance fee or something.

I do love the twists. They do yummy wonderful things for my back! :)

[hnybny.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if this place http://www.piedmontyoga.com/ is near you but if not they may be able to give you advice on studios nearby that have similar classes.

Here's a description of their class for disabilities:

People with Disabilities: This asana class is for anyone with a physical disability. Students who have some yoga experience as well as those new to the practice are welcome. We will practice meditation, breathing, and yoga with the use of props. If you are severely limited in your movements, you may want to bring a friend or attendant to assist you and enhance your experience.

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

I'm sure it doesn't help when I've mentioned that my father is doing fine, with an occasional phantom pain that he describes as a "foot ache" with his prosthesis. It's a pretty drastic decision, though if you really get to that point, I could understand. *hugs*

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Your father's story inspires me. He fought like hell, which tells me I can still fight like hell, and when this was a better choice he had the courage to take it. I honestly don't know if I would, right now. (But it's logically a clear choice. I can have pain and have the rest of me be fit and healthy, or I can have foot pain that reduces me to a couch potato.)

[genderfur.livejournal.com]

how many is many? is it worth the odds?

(I won't get laser eye surgery because it's not worth the odds. When it goes wrong, it goes *horribly* wrong.)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I hear ya. I won't get laser eye surgery either.

Mostly I'm just pissed off and frustrated.