What's Christmas without traditions?

[cjsmith]

For years Christmas has simply meant aggravation. For one thing, ever since I moved to California it's snuck up on me, because the fall-to-winter weather change isn't there to remind me that THIS IS DECEMBER. (In fact, I think this is one reason I'm puzzled by suddenly being thirty-seven. My brain hasn't accepted that a full year has passed since I moved here in 1991.)

In addition, until recently Rob and I "had to" visit BOTH sets of parents every year, which meant six different flights -- two to get us to Boston to see mine, two to get us to Louisville to see his, and two to get us back here. (Let's not mention the time changes. His parents, in Louisville though they may be, are on approximately Hawaii time. The jetlag for this holiday frenzy was usually strong. And yes, EVERY YEAR I arrived in Louisville my luggage was missing. After three of these in a row I quit checking luggage at all.) Oh yeah: all these plane flights COST MONEY. So does the fact that all the gifts get shipped. So does (did, for years) the fact that as a consultant, I lost two weeks' pay every time I made this trip.

So it's been quite a long time since there was enough that was pleasant about the holidays to outweigh the aggravation. I've often grumbled that I wanted to avoid Christmas entirely. I probably would have if it weren't for the worry that my parents would be deeply hurt.

This year I got my wish. At least about the travel, I did. We're not going east at all. Because we leave for Japan on the first of January, we discussed the insanity with both sets of parents and are going to stay right here in Sunnyvale.

Now, of course, I realize everything I'm going to be missing. I don't have people to spend the holidays with; in my family, you spend them with parents until you are a parent yourself, which for me will be never, so the idea of just rfrench and me having Christmas day by ourselves is lonely and alien. I won't go out to the Christmas eve Chinese dinner with my family at the restaurant my parents love, and even though that place is so crowded they don't honor reservations we've made and it's so loud we can't actually converse, I'll miss that dinner anyway because it's such a tradition. I'll miss my father getting up on Christmas morning and making pancakes for the family. He does it every year. He'll do it this year. I won't be there.

So I'm looking at our tree with its tiny pile of gifts, thinking about the Christmas I'm about to spend, and I'm saying to myself "It's just not Christmas without..." I find I'm not even sure how to complete that sentence. Without a package wrapped in my father's goofy style, a patchwork of all the wrapping paper scraps too small to use in any other way? Without all the decorations and music my mother brings out? Without someone putting a bow on the dog? Without spending 24 hours stuck in Chicago O'Hare? What?

I need to find my own traditions. And if I'm not going to be a complete grump for the next several days, I better find some *fast*.

So far I have decided on three things. For rfrench, I'll resurrect his family's tradition of hiding his gifts around the house. For me, I'll bake, not because my family does, much, but because it's good for me. For both of us (but mostly for me) I'll make pancakes. This afternoon I bought pancake fixins for the first time in my life. It's never been important enough to bother before, but it is now. I bought eggs and I bought butter. I came home and made brownies. Tomorrow I'm planning to make sugar cookies and frosting, and maybe I'll do some peanut butter or chocolate chip cookies too. Christmas morning I'll play Dad and make pancakes.

Yes, lots of this revolves around food. Food is easier to produce on short notice than a dog would be, or a Dad, or lost luggage. Of course, it's kind of awkward that after Christmas we'll have only six days left here. Maybe I'll tuck all the leftover goodies in the freezer for us to rediscover in late January.

No matter how I slice it this one will feel weird to me. My job is to make it as happy as I can... and learn what's important to me and what's not. Maybe next year I won't mind the travel hassle. (Or maybe I will.) At the very least I'll appreciate some things more. And perhaps, as time goes on, I'll solidify my *own* set of things without which it "just isn't Christmas".

Comments

[patgreene.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

(If it would help, I'd be willing to come over and take away your clothes, if you'll put them in a suitcase for me :) )

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

BWAHA! That comment has much lightened my morning - thank you. :-)

[therobbergirl.livejournal.com]

I'll resurrect his family's tradition of hiding his gifts around the house.

Hey! It'll be kinda like when the airline loses your luggage! *snicker*

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Kinda, except you get it back quicker!

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

Food is easier to produce on short notice than a dog would be

I do so love your writing style. :-) *hugs* Here's to finding your own traditions for the holidays, and best wishes to y'all...

Non-sequitur: Did the Japanese books ever show up?

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Yes, indeed, the Japanese books showed up. I'm not advanced enough to get much out of most of them, but I loved the one full of insults. *snicker* Their language is very picturesque. :-)

[just-cyd.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

i know what you mean about finding your own traditions. my holiday traditions ended abruptly when dad got remarried and mom's family dropped us like a hot potato.

i'm so glad you're finding things do to make this holiday special fo you. (and yes, cookies, brownies and pancakes all freeze well) i'm struggling with this one myself.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Ouch. Yeah, I've also been thinking forward to the time when one or both of my parents is gone. That has got to be rough -- particularly for you, being dropped by the rest of the family right when you're grieving the hardest. :-(

I've been apart from my family on Christmas only once before, 1990, in the Army during the Gulf War. I at least had lots of people around me. But times like that one and this one are helping prepare me for the day there's no going back.

So -- what are you doing that's a "special holiday tradition" for you? Do you decorate the house? Bake? Sing?

[just-cyd.livejournal.com]

i haven't really found any special holiday traditions of my own. i didn't bother with the tree/decorating this year, but i missed having the lights up. i haven't done all-out xmas baking in ages. i'll need to think on this to see what i'd like to start or continue, and what needs to go.

i AM skipping church tonight, and i'm going to leave when i'm ready. i'm sure next year will be better. i'll make sure it is.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

We haven't put lights on the house either, even though this year we actually have all the supplies for it! Sheesh, busy-ness. Next year we may get around to doing them.

I'm going to put on my favorite Christmas music all day tomorrow. Hee! :-)

Okay, I am seriously behind in baking... (funny how few of the things I'm making are HOLIDAY cookies, but hey, I feel better when I bake, so...) here I go.

[firecat]

I know where you can get a dog at the last minute ;-)

Best of luck putting together local Christmas traditions! One of my family's was driving around looking at light displays, which works here.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Ohhhh yes, I too know where I can get a dog at the last minute, and it's darned awfully tempting. I wish I were more sure that I could take on a dog responsibly. Rob and I are both out of the house a huge amount of the time. :-/

Looking at light displays! Rob's parents used to do this, back when Mr. French could drive. I wonder if he'd like to do that here this year. Thanks! :-)

[lindalee.livejournal.com]

I read your post last night on the heels of some of my own soul-searching on this topic, so the timing was interesting and gave me lots to think about.

I think it always comes down to the food, really. The food is the best part. I'll be heading out soon to get some suet to make the traditional holiday pudding (pudding in the British sense, steamed in a coffee can and all that).

Best of luck in developing your own holiday traditions, may you have a wonderful holiday, and give my best to rfrench.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

The food is the best part.

I do like a lot of the holiday goodies. Mmmm, thank you for reminding me: I may be baking but I haven't a clue what we're going to eat for meals. Planning when stores are still open is a good idea. :-)

What other holiday traditions do you enjoy? If you were thousands of miles away from the places and people with whom you usually celebrated, what would you want to bring with you?

I'll pass along your greeting to Rob, and thank you! I bet he hasn't "found" you on LJ yet. :-)

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

You two would be welcome over here for any and all of our celebrations in the next two days. We'd extended a fairly small, narrow invite, but I'm sure that Akien would have no problems including the two of you. Somehow, I think it would feel quite appropriate and familial to have you guys in our hot tub again. :^) The activities currently include:

*5pm service at the Episcopal Church around the corner (Allegra will be singing in the children's choir)

*Lasagne dinner afterwards, likely with a fire in the fireplace and sappy Christmas music playing (or maybe WEIRD Christmas music playing. We DO have a Dr. Demento album, for instance, as well as Alvin and the Chipmunks!). Possibly hot tubbing.

*Present-opening in the early morning tomorrow (I expect you'd be happy skipping this part, unless you decided to stay over).

*A movie sometime tomorrow, maybe Finding Neverland, or Lemony Snickett. Time TBA.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you! Tonight's spoken for, and tomorrow I think we'll do the pancakes and wrapping paper dealie here, but I'm heartwarmed that you invited me. :-) I bet Allegra and the other children will be cute as a button singing together! Give her a thumbs-up from me as she gets ready!

about Chinese food

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

Do you know tyrsalvia? She was talking about getting a group together to go to a Chinese dinner on Christmas day, I think. They live somewhere closer to you, peninsula or south, IIRC. Let me know if you'd like an introduction if you don't already know one another.

Send our regards and give hugs to rfrench for a very happy holiday!

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the first Christmas after me and the kids moved away to Indiana was really weird. I hated Thanksgiving with the relatives, and Christmas even with the even weirder relatives, and it was really nice to be able to do my own thing.

(We don't get out of Christmas activities just by having our own kids. We have to cut ties to escape. It was worth it.)

But I didn't know what my own thing was.

Hell, I'm still figuring that out. But I have much less anxiety about it all, after ten solid years of making up my own thing.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

(We don't get out of Christmas activities just by having our own kids. We have to cut ties to escape. It was worth it.)

I suppose in my family there's still a hurdle to cross once you have kids, too. That's just the indicator that it's possible without losing all cordial relations whatsoever. I'm pretty stunned that we got away with this this year, actually. After all, we were not physically in Japan on Christmas day.

Hell, I'm still figuring that out. But I have much less anxiety about it all, after ten solid years of making up my own thing.

*nod* And you're creating traditions for the boys, too. Kind of fun, in a way, isn't it? We are the authors of future memory.