Tuesday, February 1st, 2005 06:14 pm
The neuroma pain is gone. Yay!

I still have quite a bit of sensation in my toes. Yay!

I still have enough inflammation in each foot that every step I take hurts. Boooo! (This is not a lot of pain -- it's like walking on a bruise. But I'm aware of it any time I'm standing.)

It's been two solid months since the last tumor-killing injection. I saw the podiatrist a week or two ago for a progress report. He was pleased to hear that I can't generate neuroma-style pain even by rolling my foot around on the floor. He was definitely disappointed about the inflammation. He's sure it's still from the injections. He recommended ibuprofen. I wonder if he has any idea how much anti-inflammatory, and specifically how much ibuprofen, I have eaten in my lifetime. (Enough that ibuprofen no longer has any discernible effect on my other pain.) I have not yet started taking the ibuprofen.

Would my feet get better if I were bedridden for a couple of weeks? Maybe. Would they actually get better faster if I used them more? Maybe. They weren't as sore during my trip to Japan as I would have expected. Maybe they just need to be used a big whole bunch.

To run or not to run?

It's difficult for me to explain how much better I feel when I run for exercise. It goes well beyond the physical sense of fitness, the strength, the energy, and the slight decrease in need for sleep. It is more than the enjoyment of the wind in my face and the confident emotional feeling of doing something to take good care of my body. It's as if running is meditation and it keeps me sane.

To run or not to run?

It's been thirteen months now. I'm tired of waiting. Waiting isn't working. The Health Fairy is not gonna show up. But if I do try it and it turns out that's the wrong decision, I could be in a serious world of hurt.

*sigh*.

I wish I could trust that my doctor were capable of giving me a good answer to this question. Heck, I wish I believed that SOMEwhere in the world there were ONE doctor, ANYWHERE, who would be capable of offering good advice on this. Even if I knew I would never find him or her it would be comforting to believe that such a person existed. I no longer have that trust. I don't think there are doctors who are that knowledgeable or skilled.

I suspect I'm gonna run.
Tuesday, February 1st, 2005 07:24 pm (UTC)
Doubt if any doctor has the right combination of experience and knowledge to offer perfect guidance. If I were you I'd try a trial run -- so to speak -- not let myself get carried away by the exhiliration of running, and wait two days to see if there's any downside. Repeat with gradually increasing speed and distance until you're really running again, or back off if anything goes wrong. It's certainly possible that your remaining inflammation either won't be affected or will resolve itself for the better with more stimulus, and you won't have lost much if you aggravate it a little by your test runs.

Good luck whatever you decide (I'm just here to provide rationalization for what you would have done anyway!)
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005 10:45 am (UTC)
Fortunately I'm unlikely to get carried away by the joy of running, because I am SUUUUCH a couch potato right now. I would be wheezing at one mile.

I'm just here to provide rationalization for what you would have done anyway!

A much-appreciated service which you have performed admirably. Thank you! :-)
Tuesday, February 1st, 2005 09:35 pm (UTC)
Sounds like you need my rheumatologist, who's really good at saying, "You're a puzzle." :)
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005 10:46 am (UTC)
I think everybody needs your rheumatologist!

Unfortunately, hearing that I'm a puzzle would only use up some time and money. I think I'll stay home and scritch the cat instead. ;-)
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005 03:08 am (UTC)
The neuroma pain is gone. Yay!

I still have quite a bit of sensation in my toes. Yay!

I still have enough inflammation in each foot that every step I take hurts. Boooo!


Yay, Yay, and Boooo!

You know why they say that doctors practice, right? I'd say you should at least try to go on a short run and see what happens. What's the worst? You stop if your foot/feet really start(s) to bother you.
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005 10:46 am (UTC)
Yep, I think I will. This morning I was too wiped; tomorrow morning might work.
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005 08:48 am (UTC)
I'm *really* glad to hear that it finally worked. :)
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005 10:47 am (UTC)
Thanks! :) The treatment itself seems to be well-into-the-nineties percent effective. I was lucky enough not to be one of the outliers. :)
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005 01:39 pm (UTC)
Yay! about the progress. Sorry it isn't complete improvement, that sux. And not having trustable advice about what to do next is frustrating -- well can I relate to that one. I guess I'll second what you'll prolly do as well: get back into running a teeny bit at a time.

*HUGS* and kitty purrs and cheese to you!
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005 02:12 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I figured you could relate! You still have some muscle soreness, I remember you saying. Do you even have good information about what that's from -- the muscles still knitting, readjustments to new shapes, inflammation? Or is it a total mystery? I haven't seen you posting about much related to this, so I'm not even sure how you're feeling lately.

Thanks for the hugs, the kitty-purrs, and the cheese! Those are all excellent things!
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005 02:22 pm (UTC)
Yeah, still have muscle soreness, in the region of the surgery. Sometimes it just hurts from sitting at work all day, sometimes it hurts when I pick up something extra heavy with one hand (I feel a pulling that hurts in a way that feels disturbing too), sometimes it hurts when I've been slouching in bed reading or watching TiVo. Sometimes when it hurts it is pretty bad, but sometimes it's just a minor annoyance, and sometimes it doesn't hurt at all.

I'm seeing my surgeon next Monday (Feb 7) for a follow-up. I mentioned some stuff in a recent post (http://www.livejournal.com/users/rampling/163331.html) about feeling low energy lately, and feeling that at least some of it is also a side-effect of the whole neck tumor problem lasting so long. I hope my surgeon will clear up the mysteries!
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005 03:07 pm (UTC)
Yeah, there's a big difference between "this hurts but I know I'm basically healthy" and "this hurts in a way that makes me think there could be damage or problems". The former could be as simple as Apply Painkiller Here, but the latter needs information. I'm okay with Apply Painkiller Here as long as the painkiller works and I know I'm not doing damage. But I sure do hate it when I just don't know.

I saw that recent post and was glad for the update. It's incredible just how looooong it takes to get strength and stamina back. Good luck with that appointment; I hope you come away with your questions answered!
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005 03:32 pm (UTC)
Yeah, there's a big difference between "this hurts but I know I'm basically healthy" and "this hurts in a way that makes me think there could be damage or problems".

Exactly. I wanna exercise the muscles in the area more, build up their strength, but I feel scared and unsure about doing so, afraid that I'll damage some partially healed thing. So I'm waiting to do anything 'til after I talk with my surgeon because, yeah, I just don't know.

Today I had a doctor appointment with my new PCP (a random guy I picked from the excellent office that my previous fabulous PCP was at -- the office was also pretty fabulous and deserve some great credit too). He was friendly and easy to talk to, and had a wonderful habit of explaining everything he did and the results he found. And he listened to what I said, and kept prompting me to ask if I had more questions. Plus he gave me a referral to a dermatologist without any complaint about me not really having any current problems -- that was especially nice.

OTOH, he brought up my weight (as he should have), but I was disappointed that he just spouted some stupid trendy stuff about carbs (and not at all about calories) and hardly mentioned exercise (even though I mentioned that I felt lack of exercise was my biggest problem during my neck trauma days and since). That didn't impress me that much.

But I felt relatively good about him overall. Not as good as my previous fabulous PCP, but pretty good.

I did tell him that I was going to see my surgeon next week to ask about my neck surgery area pain and the idea of exercising it, but asked him his opinion too. He said that he thought it most likely that I should be fine with exercising it, but I very much appreciated that he thought I should also get the opinion of my surgeon. I really like doctors who are willing to express the limits of their advice.

And I have a mammography referral. My first time. I'm late for it (I should have started at least 2 years ago), and I'm squeamish about it. My breasts, particularly the undersides, are very sensitive to pushing or squishing. *shudder* I hope it's not too bad. I'll warn the mammographer that I'm nervous about it, but you never know if you'll get someone sympathetic or some "just shut up and take it" jerk. *shudder*

Oh -- this turned into quite the updatey sort of comment. I think I'll x-post this (http://www.livejournal.com/users/rampling/164007.html) to my own LJ.
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005 03:37 pm (UTC)
I think I'll x-post

How fun! I love it when a conversation gets meaty enough that it's worth cross-posting. It's almost as if we get some kind of Good Fun Discussion points for it or something. :)

I'll reply more in your LJ!
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005 03:40 pm (UTC)
And I appreciate that conversation with you got meaty enough to inspire me to write stuff that was postable that way. Thanx! :)
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005 06:01 pm (UTC)
The neuroma pain is gone. Yay!
I still have quite a bit of sensation in my toes. Yay!


Image That's wonderful!

I still have enough inflammation in each foot that every step I take hurts. Boooo!

Image That's crappy.

To run or not to run?

You've already gotten lots of good suggestions, but here's one more:

How about starting with a walk/run? Start out with 1 minute of running alternated with 2 minutes of walking. If you feel okay, then next time lengthen the running time (e.g., 2 and 2). If you still feel okay, try 3 and 1. If you still feel okay ... go for it!

Interspersing periods of walking gives your feet a chance to calm down, similar to the way I stop for two minutes when my knees get too sore. (I'm only walking in the first place, so I have nowhere less to go except a full stop!) I've found that a 2-minute rest can settle the pain down so I can go much further in the long run (heh) and enjoy myself more while I'm doing it because I have less pain.

You won't get the endorphin high the first few times, but at least you're much less likely to find yourself in that world of hurt.
Thursday, February 3rd, 2005 11:25 am (UTC)
Yeah, walking's less hard on feet than running. Stopping altogether and sitting down is another attractive option. ;-) Fortunately that endorphin high isn't something I really CAN chase right now -- I'm too out of shape. *sigh* SOME DAY!! I want to be able to run Bay to Breakers again (the race I was sad about missing last year, and looked forward to doing this year) SOME DAY!
Thursday, February 3rd, 2005 10:58 am (UTC)
I think you and I are going to be in the same boat for the next little while. I am glad your neuroma pain is gone, but that sucks about the lingering inflammation. Not knowing about whether i was making my ankle worse was the main reason I broke down and went to the doctor, even though I HATE going to the doctor.

I'm resting until Valentine's Day, and then I'm going to do a teeny weeny 1 mile run.
Thursday, February 3rd, 2005 11:21 am (UTC)
Yep, I think you're right. Your recent posts mentioning that you wish you could run really struck a chord with me.

Good luck on the 1-miler on V-Day! Hope it works out.