cjsmith | Giving to the future

I was just watching my neighbor pull into his driveway. Two energetic children tumbled out of the van, and Daddy made sure to get something brightly-colored from the back seat. He was in business attire complete with tie, so it was clear he'd picked up the children on his way home from work.

All those little things that go along with parenting, I thought. He picked them up; he's carrying that tote bag or whatever into the house for them. They may never consciously remember that he did this today.

I realize raising a family is one of those things that give meaning to people's lives. What's his purpose, today? The point of his life? In part, it's to work in many ways small and large to ensure his children get food and schooling and whatever else they'll need. In a way, parents are producing something for later. Their work lays a foundation for people who will (hopefully) outlive them. I could look at it as seeking immortality, I suppose. I could look at it as selfish promotion of one's own genes. Today I choose to see it as giving to the future.

Some people give to the future through innovation. The more inventions are made today, the more choices and possibilities are available for people tomorrow. Some people give to the future through their day jobs: teaching, for example, or working for the environment, or building roads. Some people discover a polio vaccine or write classic plays. Some set up scholarship funds.

I want to give to the future. And I haven't. My day job, when I had one, didn't even give to the present. I won't be raising a family. I want to think more about the ways I'd like to give to the future.

Is giving to the future important to you? If so, what ways are meaningful to you?

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Oh, definitely. It's important that I do what I can so my granddaughter is happy and healthy, so she'll grow up to be a good person. It's important that I teach, and reach out to those inquiring minds who come into my classes. You've seen my posts where I'm thrilled by what some of my students have said to me. That means a lot to me. I'm pleased that my daughters have grown up to be good people, who pull their social weight and who seek to make the world a better place.

In the past, it was always important for me as a leader of Marines to step out in front of the formation each morning as an example for my troops. I saw that as an important part of paying forward too.

If so, what ways are meaningful to you?

I have sworn upon the alter of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man.

Thats what I give to the future...protection of liberty.

That's why I teach and lecture - and why I'm finally getting around to setting up some tech-weblogs - to give outward, if not entirely forward. Also why at least some of my jobs have had "making a difference component" (and those have been more satisfying than the "make money" component - where it was important that our *customers* be doing "important" things, examples like Cygnus having customers that made medical equipment...) My current job involves many intelligence community customers, and that counts for me as well.

That doesn't mean that *everything*, or even a *lot* of what I do is for the future - it does mean that (for example) running off and working for Burt Rutan is the kind of thing that would tempt me if I thought I could make a difference there. But in the mean time, getting people to stop using perl is not a bad start :)

_Mark_

I'll be honest, when I decided to have children, I was not thinking of the future (either the future of the world, or my own future).

But now that I have them, I feel as though it is my responsibility to the world to raise them *well*, to do my best not to fuck things up ...

After all, the world has enough badly-raised children already.

The notion of "giving to the future" is central in much of what I do. My passion for teaching is an example of that. Also, the kind of music I write is such that most people nowadays don't particularly care for it, but hopefully is will build a foundation for and have meaning to later generations.

Kim and I want to have a family for many of the same reasons, but we will wait until I am finished with school and in a good job before we start. That's at least a couple of years away.

I try to give to the future by changing things for the better.

I didn't want children for that reason, but I'm immensely proud that from the age of four, my daughter has wanted to work with the Deaf, and is now a sign language interpreter, enabling deaf people to communicate fully in every aspect of society.

I've volunteered my services continuously since I was about 20, working on crisis hotlines, in battered women's shelters, founding a support group for young widows, leading Girl Scouts, helping in schools, and now working for my church. I have no idea what specific results my efforts may have had over the years, but I'm sure that along the way I improved some people's lives and futures. I know that I made a major impact on the future of my UU church (and thus on the lives of the people in the congregation) by instigating the adoption, and shepherding the institution, of a radically different form of governance which will benefit the congregation for many years into the future (if future boards don't screw it up!)

All these things are my legacies to the future.

It's interesting that you ask that question today, because the central theme of the Small Group Ministry retreat I'm helping to plan and lead this weekend is our legacies! The three small-group sessions will focus on past, present and future in that context.

As one of the planners, so far I've been thinking exclusively about the overall retreat and the session I'm doing. Your question helped me start thinking about my personal answers might be. Thank you! (There are no coincidences....)

Thank you for this perspective on parenting as giving to the future. It actually made me cry. Sometimes I lose track of that aspect of it, mired in the day to day grind of messy rooms and cat pee and impossible-to-coordinate schedules. I'll probably mark this entry as a memory, in fact, to remind me of it later, since I'm sure I'll forget again.

Regarding your giving to the future: I think you do it some already, though it's a bit more subtle. In calling the dances that you do, for instance, you create memories and possibly even fitness for many other people. It's a form of teaching, though not as obvious as, say, reading to kindergartners. Do you reduce, reuse and recycle? Try to maintain your vehicles (including planes) in good working order, to maximize gas mileage? That's another way you're giving to the future, by reducing waste now.

Regarding what ways are important to me to "give to the future": Well, obviously, trying my damndest to be a good parent for Allegra (and to a much lesser degree at this point, Victoria), to at least not leave her with the SAME woundings I got from my childhood, if I can possibly manage it. Other ways include the discussion groups we host, and the coaching we do--trying to give others the benefit of some of our hard knocks, in a way. And of course the book Akien is writing (and I will be editing, mostly) is another way of disseminating that same knowledge base. Even the PPPs can be seen as giving to the future, in the same terms that I mentioned for your calling above--they create memories for many people, for instance. And there have been several relationships started at those events, so I suppose that's another way.

What Dawn said. :-)

Trite cliches about a butterfly flapping its wings causing a thunderstorm halfway across the world aside, everything we do has ripple effects. If we snap at someone, or cut someone off while driving, it may cause them to lose their temper when dealing with a friend or a child, which may in turn have bigger effects. In the opposite direction, who knows what a kind gesture or word might lead to?

I was recently attending a religious workshop held by my tradition (Anglican), and the speaker put it this way: "We are called to be the Light, Salt, and Leaven in the world --- wherever we are. Not just in Church, and not just in going to African to help people suffering from AIDS, but in our family and in our friendships. In our community involvement; in our work; in our school. Our ministry may not be something grand and glorious. It might be, "My kid is dyslexic and hates herself, so I stay home three nights a week to support her with her schoolwork, and that's my ministry." Stripping away the religious language, what Alice Mann was saying is that we can find meaning in our lives simply by being conscious about what it is we are doing in the world, and finding a way to make the world a better place wherever we are and whatever we might feel called to do.

Sometimes a kind word, spoken in the right place and in the right time, can work wonders. And you're the sort of person who probably goes around making people feel better about themselves, and otherwise making the world a better place; and you may not even notice that you're doing it.

Giving to the future

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