Everyone has a limit, and I have reached mine.

On my worst days, Vicodin feels like evidence that God doesn't actually hate me. Well, today even that's not enough.

I. Have. Had. It.

This life is not worth living. Not if there are any alternatives. I am calling the doctor TODAY and making an appointment to discuss fixing this, whatever it takes. Whether diagnosing the problem means several rounds of blood tests, or hormone balance panels, or exploratory surgery to rule out endometriosis, I'll do it. If fixing it means surgery to take all the relevant parts out, I'll sign the consent form. FIX IT. And in the meantime, I will bluntly inform my doctor that I WILL "misuse" my pills to avoid periods for the next couple of months while we start figuring this out. If he doesn't want to give me the kind of prescription that's meant to do that, I'll cobble something together on my own, thanks. I will no longer be at his mercy.

And if there isn't any fix, I want the best painkillers money can buy, regardless of what they will do to my body long-term. I no longer care. I have had enough.

[Later Edit: My appointment is the day after tomorrow.]

My doctor is a search engine

The web is a wonderful thing. I've learned a few basic things in the last half hour or so:

1) Endometrial ablation, the removal of the uterine lining to reduce or eliminate menstrual bleeding, sounded great at first but is not what I need. It has no effect on menstrual pain. (It also isn't a surefire contraceptive, which is a scary thought. Conception with little or no uterine lining to nourish the embryo? Lovely. But not my problem, so I didn't follow that trail.)

2) Hysterectomy is a Big Fat Hairy Deal. We're talking a hospital stay here, even (if I understand correctly) if the whole thing's pulled out through the vaginal canal. We're talking probable early menopause (hot flashes, insomnia, bone brittleness, sexual unpleasantness, etc etc and hormone replacement therapy), even if the ovaries remain. We're talking increased (some studies say up to 4x) risk of heart attacks for the rest of my life, even if the ovaries remain.

There is no justice. Why couldn't I have been human? Why? Why?

3) There's a thing called a "myomectomy" which was obviously less drastic than hysterectomy. Looked into it. No dice: this is the removal of fibroid tumors. Unless I have a fibroid tumor this procedure will not help much. ;-) Got to see some really impressive pictures though.

4) I think I'd hope to qualify for a type called "subtotal hysterectomy" where the cervix is left behind. Apparently, this "may help with later sexual enjoyment" (NY State Dept of Health). However, I'd still need regular Pap smears and would thus remain a slave to some @#$! doctor. This surgery must be done through an abdominal incision (duh). Most patients are "up and walking" by "the second or third day".

5) Hysterectomy is way popular. According to the CDC, one in four women will have one. Given my experience of having a uterus, I'm only surprised the number isn't higher.

6) I like the name HysterSisters. (Dave Barry Voice: HysterSister and the Fallopian Tubes would be a great name for a rock band.)