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Post-Carl, Rob and I hung out and talked about the impressions I give people (especially at work) and how I can change my demeanor to give better impressions.
We both agree that at work, I don't get nearly the respect I deserve. If we look at my track record, I tend to get stuff done on time and with very few problems in it. There is almost no one else in the company who can claim that. Some of the people who get the most respect are the ones who are consistently late with buggy code. Clearly a good track record is not the most important factor.
One problem is I'm quiet about it. I just get the damn thing done. I don't go around crowing later: I did it, look how good it is, I had to stay up all night, etc etc. To me, this shows I'm a grownup. To my colleagues, it seems to indicate that I'm not doing much.
We talked about all sorts of nonverbal, often subconscious, communications. Standing up straight - NOT SMILING, this is a biggie - having a slightly louder than average voice - eye contact - all that stuff is probably stuff I do "wrong". In addition, my phrasing is probably more tentative than most peoples'. If I'm only 75% sure about something, I'll say so. If most of my coworkers are 60% sure, they'll act like there's no other possibility. I need to talk like I know I'm right. All this is very weird and subconscious for most folk. Ask people which they respect, and they'll say the honest one. Look at who gets a raise, and it's a different story.
I also work during the day, signaling that I am unexceptional, and my code is readable, signaling that I am replaceable. Never mind that I tend to believe a company gets more value out of an employee it can talk to and gets more value out of code that other employees can maintain. If I am penalized for doing these things, I am foolish not to consider changing them.
There's a point beyond which I won't go. I won't put bugs in just so that I can be the hero who fixes them. I won't purposely be late for a meeting just to prove I'm above such things.
And hey, the obvious choice - getting a better job - will eventually happen. But while I'm here, I may as well learn to speak the language of the natives. It may serve me well in the future.
We both agree that at work, I don't get nearly the respect I deserve. If we look at my track record, I tend to get stuff done on time and with very few problems in it. There is almost no one else in the company who can claim that. Some of the people who get the most respect are the ones who are consistently late with buggy code. Clearly a good track record is not the most important factor.
One problem is I'm quiet about it. I just get the damn thing done. I don't go around crowing later: I did it, look how good it is, I had to stay up all night, etc etc. To me, this shows I'm a grownup. To my colleagues, it seems to indicate that I'm not doing much.
We talked about all sorts of nonverbal, often subconscious, communications. Standing up straight - NOT SMILING, this is a biggie - having a slightly louder than average voice - eye contact - all that stuff is probably stuff I do "wrong". In addition, my phrasing is probably more tentative than most peoples'. If I'm only 75% sure about something, I'll say so. If most of my coworkers are 60% sure, they'll act like there's no other possibility. I need to talk like I know I'm right. All this is very weird and subconscious for most folk. Ask people which they respect, and they'll say the honest one. Look at who gets a raise, and it's a different story.
I also work during the day, signaling that I am unexceptional, and my code is readable, signaling that I am replaceable. Never mind that I tend to believe a company gets more value out of an employee it can talk to and gets more value out of code that other employees can maintain. If I am penalized for doing these things, I am foolish not to consider changing them.
There's a point beyond which I won't go. I won't put bugs in just so that I can be the hero who fixes them. I won't purposely be late for a meeting just to prove I'm above such things.
And hey, the obvious choice - getting a better job - will eventually happen. But while I'm here, I may as well learn to speak the language of the natives. It may serve me well in the future.
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I wouldn't be surprised if I got some of my thoughts from Tannen - I've read part of You Just Don't Understand.
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