The World is Not Always a Decent Place

[cjsmith]

Following the events of Tuesday the eleventh, I've seen lots of friends worrying to the point of ineffectiveness and panic; I've heard coworkers raging; I've heard of people acting out in completely useless ways, like egging the car of a friend of mine because she is Afghan-American; I've seen the gun control debate come up yet again in several venues where it's been declared permanently off-topic; I've seen people in a daze because they've essentially lost their innocence.

I think that's really what's happening here. People are losing their innocence. America, as a country, is losing its innocence in a sense as well.

I am reminded of a very tasteless, but actually somewhat apt, "potential headline" someone forwarded to me in e-mail. It read: AMERICA IS TARGET OF TERRORIST ATTACK. 'JOIN THE F*CKING CLUB,' SAYS REST OF WORLD.

(I'm glad the rest of the world didn't actually say that, at least not right away. We wouldn't have understood. And it is tasteless.)

I am saddened, but not enraged. I grieve for those who mourn, but I am not much more afraid than I was. Why is this?

1. First and foremost: I haven't been to ground zero, nor have I lost a friend or a loved one.
2. Still a big effect, and the point of this entry: I never did think the world was a nice place.

Some people have advocated turning off the news, for folks who are just too overwhelmed. Oddly enough I can watch the news now. Turning off the news was a great approach for me up until Tuesday the eleventh. Not only have I never seen the world as a decent place, but in fact, in order for me to be able to recognize that the world was in fact a sufficiently decent place in my immediate vicinity, the reminders that it sucked rocks elsewhere were too detrimental and got removed! But now I am getting reminded that it sucks rocks everywhere, and in a strange and weird way, I am almost reassured: I am not the insane one. It all makes sense again. I can watch the news now.

(I better watch myself around others, though. I'm a bit too detached and rational in the face of their grief and rage.)

I don't know whether or not to think it's sad that the reason I am not hit very hard emotionally by this is that the fact that bad sh*t happens was always a bone-deep knowledge for me. I think I'll suspend judgment on whether it's sad, and simply remark that it seems to be the case. Neither bad nor good, it simply is.

(Wonder how I could turn it to constructive use somewhere.)

Comments

[hopeforyou.livejournal.com]

There's innocence, and then there's innocence. The scale of what happened, and that there is some well-funded international conspiracy behind it leaves people feeling something beyond anger, beyond grief -- the feeling of the loss of control. Mingled with uncertainty.

Where is the sense of direction? If it does not come from without (external) then it must come from within (internal). Choose your values. Choose what side you are on. What are my values? I ask myself. To seek the truth has to underlie them. What side am I on? My own. I have no control over anything, ultimately, but what I decide to do regardless of what gets hurled my way.

That is what I am feeling these days. My own youth and experiences led me to believe at a very early age that the world is not always a decent place. It wasn't until much later in life that I believed the world could be a decent place anywhere at any time at all.

I may be speaking from the bottom of a well of depression, but I think the feeling I have at my sense at my core is loss of control, illusory as control is and slippery as the term remains to the Zen student.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Loss of control - good point. Wasn't it you who had a great essay on luck in LJ a while ago? It's almost like the universe is flashing giant neon arrows: LOOK HERE. THE LESSON IS HERE.