One way it's hard for me

[cjsmith]

One of my first thoughts upon seeing the disaster at the World Trade Center was: "Civilians! They're noncombatants -- sacred! You cannot touch civilians!" I thought it was fueled in part by my military background, my brainwashing if you will.

I realized the other day that it's not JUST that. Yes, I am outraged whenever civilians are targeted. But these were "my" civilians. Not just people with whom I share a continent -- frankly, I rarely feel much commonality with New York City -- but people I was supposed to protect. I was in the military. These are the people I stood up to defend. The civilians of the United States, the mothers and dads and workers and the families traveling on planes, these are the people I thought of when I took my oath. And I'm not in the military any more, and I wasn't there, and these people are gone...

Survivor's guilt amplified by something I don't have a name for: the feeling I fell down on the job, somehow.

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Oath of Induction (All U.S. Military Personnel)

I, _________, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.

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Oath of Office (Officers)

I, _________(name), having been appointed a _________(rank) in the U.S. _________(branch of service) under the conditions indicated in this document, do accept such appointment and do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic, that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter, so help me God.

Comments

[abz6598.livejournal.com]

Wow..patriotic military savvy gal.

Neat.

I agree. You dont make war on civillians. Thats what separates the guerrilla from the terrorist.

Enemies foreign and domestic...that one always echoes in my head.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Wow..patriotic military savvy gal.

More than I usually admit, yeah. (sheepish grin.)

I agree. You dont make war on civillians. Thats what separates the guerrilla from the terrorist.

Amen brothah.

Enemies foreign and domestic...that one always echoes in my head.

Me too. And it's scary, in a way. It implies that even if the majority of the population wanted to overthrow the government as embodied in the Constitution, the armed forces would be obligated to resist. I thought about that a lot before taking that oath, too.

[kimatha.livejournal.com]

Wow, Ceej... this is a perspective that I hadn't thought of at all. Thanks for posting it.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks Kimberly!

In some ways it's kind of silly, or illogical - at least, if survivor's guilt can be called illogical, so can the feeling of having fallen down on a job I no longer even hold. But my feelings aren't too logical most times. :-)

[joedecker.livejournal.com]

Ouch.

While I agree with you that your feelings about
this may not be fair to yourself, I also understand that they are your feelings, and I both respect those feelings, and deeply sympathize with you.

Hugs...

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Joe, you is a Joe, that's the only way I can say it. Thanks.